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Posts Tagged ‘wave’

Honoring yourself enough to let go when it is time to move forward can become a gift in the long run. ~Chava

There are so many beautiful landscapes that guide me as I walk in the world.  Each day, I find myself wondering how I might navigate through the metaphors that keep me sane as I walk through life.  The bottom-line is that the hardest landscape I actively explore is that of my heart.

ShemaKoli

Doodle is courtesy of Chava
Shema Koli (Hear My Voice)
Living with Soul Honesty, Striving for Soul Honesty

With each breath, as with each step, I am climbing mountains, riding waves, and engaging in life.  I am learning to trust the universe as I both reach for the stars and let my roots go down into the earth.  With each passing moment, I navigate.  Some might say I over-think life, I’d say that I actively engage in life.  I take the Tour de Life and I try to make it the best I can.

The older I get the more I realize that my voice matters.  While it might not matter to others, it matters to me.  And the more sure I am about this, the more I trust my thoughts and my feelings, the more they matter to others too.  Personal integrity or authenticity propel me forward, not only with others, but with myself too.

In the last few months, I have been profoundly busy navigating life and feelings.  Since my Trek to Tucson, I have had to learn how to live more alone and to build a different relationship with my sons; I have had to build new friendships and seek those that would be good for my life and that I have something to offer their lives.  And I had to figure out how to retain those I love while living so far away and having little time.  The journey hasn’t always been so easy.  Navigating life and those you want in it takes patience and dedication; it also takes discernment and real honesty.

Figuring out life has been intense at times.  Through writing, I have been able to weed out my thoughts and keep perspective.  I have also been able to explore what feelings, emotions, things, people, attitudes, etc. . .serve me well.  Ironically, I am learning that some of the above “stuff” needs to go.   There are two things, I am working on as I let go. I am working towards listening more especially to the silence between the words.  And I am trying to enjoy what is more and strive for perfectionism less.

As I do my current Dance of Life, I am striving to walk in this world with an inner warmth and a sincerity that is both inwardly true and outwardly real.  Navigating life means constantly asking myself, “Chava, where are you? What do you need? What do you want? What’s really happening in your heart and in your soul?   In order to live with my own personal integrity, I have to actively engage in life and while figuring out how to to do the Dance of Life.

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‎”Action is the antidote to despair.” -Joan Baez

Life encompasses so many waves of emotions. Frustration, happiness, anger, contentment, sadness, calmness, and despair. . . .the list is infinite.  For the most part, we can allow ourselves the space to navigate each wave by sitting with it, embracing it, or sometimes letting it go out into the world.  Despair, however, needs action or it will literally destroy you.

Sailboat1

Photo courtesy of
Shay Seaborne

While those that are facing despair might need to sit with it for a time, they will ultimately need to reach out of themselves and function in some small way if they will be able to move forward.  Despair is the profound sense of hopelessness that penetrates our being when something happens and we feel out of control. And while those in despair want to curl up in their cocoon and sometimes need to for a time, they equally need to find their way out of the cocoon too.

In the last few weeks, I have faced moments of despair.  An intense sense of loss takes over me when I fear for my sons’ health.  Both of my sons have faced serious health struggles that could have altered their lives in profound ways. Life is a gift; it is not a given.  So when we had our moment of utter fear that hell was visiting our home again, I literally crumbled.  The reality is that I couldn’t allow myself too long to become despondent because I had to act responsibly .  I had to act by taking my older son to doctors, MRIs, blood work, all while keeping perspective,  seeking information, and ultimately trusting that this was a moment and this moment would pass; I also had to go to work as I could.  There is no option for hope.  And to share the words of Tony Kushner that I shared in a recent blog, ““It’s an ethical obligation to look for hope; it’s an ethical obligation not to despair.  If you look, there is always a possibility of finding a place where action can change the course of things. ” Only through action can you propel yourself forward.  So I did what I needed to do and in the end, it feels like we have dodged a bullet and the moment of sheer fear is gone.  Moments happen; not every moment has to lead to hell.

While the above incident looms large in my life, I have also faced other challenges in life and work over the past weeks that can feel like momentary despair.  Friendships change; loved ones evolve; our children humble us; work struggles happen.  In any given day, we navigate moments of despair when we believe there is no solution.  Giving into those moments does nothing for our souls.  Nothing.  So with each moment, I have learned to acknowledge what is, allowing myself the space for sadness, anger, or tears. But for momentary despair, I have to move forward and find solutions to what’s going on at any given moment; there is no option.

Despair is a very real emotion.  And in truth, sometimes loss penetrates the soul and there is no hope, at least for a while.  For that I am deeply sad and sorry for anyone that has to go through that experience.  For most of us, despair has moments of complete darkness, but when we ride the wave, we find calmer waters and even hope.

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