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Posts Tagged ‘trusting the universe’

December 2016 - looking out into water

(Note: If this is your first time you are stepping into my Elul Reflections 5777, please read the Introduction to this series at http://wp.me/pthnB-2NA)

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If you are someone who is in my inner circle, at any moment, you might see tears flowing and watch me bounce between being despondent and laughing at the notion that I could feel that way. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. But I process life and my innermost thoughts as the writer that I am. I take the time to weave each letter, each word, and each sentence until I am able to find answers to both questions known and unknown. I am a weaver of words

There are days when I feel silenced by my own inner critic and sometimes the voices of those around me.  Silencing the  critics is nearly impossible. At every given moment, there are so many voices racing through my head.

“You are so limited!”

“You call yourself a writer?”

“Look at yourself. . .”

“Did you really say that?”

My guess is that I am not alone and yet I feel alone. In the inner confines of my mind, there is no one to save me, but myself. It’s time for me to become one with myself and to write with that voice.

Perhaps it is a leap of faith that I need to take; perhaps it is simply that I need to trust myself and the universe too. I’ve been blessed with a net that appears when my heart is racing so quickly that I can’t catch my breath. My beloved village simply shows up and holds me up until I can stand on my own.

Now it is time for me to trust that that same village will hold me tight as I share my soul and reach for the next chapters of my life.

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Over the last months, I have realized that MAGiC is my absolute favorite word. I believe in the power of magic and my ability to make magic happen. Have you ever noticed how beautiful moments and creations feel magical? Awe is a part of life AND magic will always be a part of awe. Don’t we all want to be surrounded by awe?

Making life work with all of her moving parts takes magic. The more I trust and work with the magic, the more authentic I am. And living authentically may be one of my strongest desires. Yet living authentically and trusting the magic is complicated and it makes me feel so very vulnerable.

 

Some of those voices are so f*cking loud! All of those voices have been spoken at one time or another, some by friends, some by respected teachers, some by loved ones (including myself), and some by strangers.

With these voices challenging me, I have decided that this is the season to plow through these voices and begin to shower the world with my most authentic self.

I know that how I am received is rarely about me, it is about how people choose to interpret my transparency or my spirit. With that in mind, I have already started sharing my evening doodles and over time I hope to share my voice with all of the moving parts that make me who I am:

PASSIONATE
COMPLICATED
INTENSE
SPIRITUAL
CREATIVE
VULNERABLE
EMPOWERED
CONSCIOUS
SENSITIVE
INTUITIVE
PLAYFUL
&
BEAUTIFUL
(inside and out)

Comfort-ZoneThe good news is that as I choose to live more consciously and authentically, the more I am guided by Emile Zola’s  sage advice to “live out loud”.

With all of the voices in my head, this isn’t necessarily easy.  Yet I am doing the work!!! Because if I don’t, I will never thrive as I aspire to. I can’t let my own vulnerability take over my life; I am too good for that!

Breathing deeply, I am learning to trust that when I trust the universe and leave my comfort zone. Only when I do will the magic unfold.

May we all find our own way to trust the universe and the journey that is ingrained in our soul.

Sending love and light,
Chava

 

 

 

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(From Adon Olam – last verse)
Into His hand I entrust my spirit,
as I sleep and when I wake.  
With me in spirit and body, 
YHVH is mine, I need not fear.  (translation by David J. Cooper)

בְּיָדוֹ אַפְקִיד רוּחִי
בְּעֵת אִישַׁן וְאָעִירָה
וְעִם רוּחִי גְּוִיָּתִי
יְיָ לִי וְלֹא אִירָא

Over the past weeks, I have come to realize that life’s twists and turns are sometimes more than I can handle. Mostly I keep the darkness at bay.  I find my footing and strive to keep taking one step at a time.  Quite frankly, it amazes me that I have any success in this at all.  Regardless of how I feel inside, I always keep moving forward – even if I have to pause for a moment and work through what is going on deep inside of me.
Ultimately, I believe in the possibilities that surround me.  The open doors are beckoning to me and inviting me to walk through when and if I am ready.
While I do realize that somewhere along the road I have had to accept new realities and unanswered prayers, I am also aware that I don’t always understand the big picture.  Trusting that all will be ok is ultimately what I do.  Each day might have moments of uncertainty, but I also feel the love and light that surrounds me and my sons.
With all of this in mind, I am now allowing my journey to veer off course and to coast for the time being. The time has come for me to stop for a little while and to trust that by giving myself breathing room, I will ultimately end up where I need to be.
There is no option but to trust in the universe; fear does not serve me in the least.  ‘Sometimes you just have to ride the waves. . . . .’
pendercosurise

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Middah (character trait) focus: Build a Healthy Foundation

Yoga gives me many of the tools I need to create a stronger and healthier yesod (foundation).

Yoga gives me many of the tools I need to create a stronger and healthier yesod (foundation).

Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom.  For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for me, it is a time to actively reflect on different middot (character traits) that will lead me to my own rebirth.

During much of my life, I wanted to be fortified by people that could comfort me and protect me; I wanted to be surrounded by a cocoon of  beloveds.

Today as I was reflecting on the what it means to build a healthy foundation, I realized that each individual needs to independently build their own strong yesod, foundation; only by nurturing yourself can you have the power to go from slavery to freedom ultimately as a means to sustain and help one to become their highest self.  While each of us can gain support from those that surround us, we need to do some incredible work ourselves.

Building a healthy foundation means:

Breathe deeply, move frequently.
Nurture your soul, fuel your body.
Believe in yourself, reach for your dreams.
Do your part to repair the world and do it with all your heart.
Give yourself space to feel and to be.

Surround yourself with people that accept who you are.
Laugh and cry as you are called to do.
Listen to the words and the space between the words.
Love and be loved.
Trust in the universe and in the Godliness that is.

Inspiration for this blog came from Alden Solovy, a writer, a liturgist, a poet, and a Facebook friend.  Here is a link to his blog in which he honors Day 37 of the Omer http://tobendlight.com/2012/04/15/ethics/.

 

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Recently I honored my soul in ways I had never considered as an option before.  Taking the leap of faith was extremely scary and I was blessed with an amazing outcome.

A little more than a month ago, I resigned from a job that was damaging to my soul on a core level.  While the community I worked for was loving and fabulous; there were also some significant hurdles that challenged me and sometimes hurt me on a core level.  I had lost my voice and I had stopped soaring in a way that made me proud.  The blessing was that as I look back, I believe that I was able to manage my darkness privately and thrive for the community.

Moving forward isn’t always easy and I wasn’t quite certain how I was going to navigate this journey, but the journey unfolded beautiful with very little navigation needed.

Less than 24 hours after writing my resignation letter, I received the call from the leadership of Temple Emanu-El in Tucson, Arizona.  The timing could not have been better.  I called out and the universe responded.    Not only did the universe respond; she responded really clearly.

Somehow, all the pieces of the puzzle fell and are continuing to fall into place.

Sabino Canyon – Can’t wait to see it

The beauty is that I am hopeful that I am moving to a community that will give me wings to do what I love to do as a Jewish educator in a supportive environment too.  Rumor has it that Tucson, is a place that will nourish my soul.  May both be true.

Many have asked how my children are moving through this journey.  They are doing it with a lot of grace and sadness too.  All of us have loved living in DC, but it is time to experience something new.  I am certain we will all be back soon and the boys will be back even sooner.

Now let’s hope the universe opens up for them too.  May Tucson have Dungeons and Dragons, among other role-playing games.

Throughout this journey, I found myself singing Debbie Friedman’s  Lechi Lach.  Below is a link of not Debbie signing her song, but many of my favorite musicians singing her song.  This song is definitely helping me stay sane as pack up and head to the southwest.

With love, light, and blessings,

Chava

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