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Blogging is what I do.  I love writing and sharing my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Reflection Time Selfie

Reflection Time Selfie

If this is your first time reading this series of my blog, please take a moment and read the introduction Elul Journey: A New Year Is Emerging – 5775  http://t.co/Y6vmXdO6GJ

Today is 27 Elul or 3 days until 5775; it is a time to reflect and to choose ways in which I can best move towards the High Holy Days and the days that follow.  While it is not easy to navigate life’s journeys, I always get to decide how to approach my life.  In this moment, I am choosing to walk gently and embrace each step with openness.  As I say this, I also realize that this would be a good time for a reality check.

During each blog post of my Elul Journeys, I will share a poem, a saying, a teaching that has helped me navigate the world.  Let me know what you think!

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“And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off? Or pretending? He let them fall.”
Quote by J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

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Smiling comes easy to me; laughing out loud is quite the norm for me; sharing my heart and soul through writing and schmoozing is how I walk through life.

As much as I am comfortable sharing through the use of words, I struggle to openly share my tears.   Yet I am learning that those that love me want to hold me through my tears and through my pain; they also love to hold me when I am smiling, laughing, and happy.  My friends love me for who I am – always.  (Moment of truth: My friends may not always like EVERYTHING about me, but they put up with me because they are truly my friends.)

This past few months have been humbling for me.  I have shedded more than a few tears as I cope with my current reality.  Losing my job and struggling to make ends meet has been a painful experience for me.  Knowing that I am not giving my children what they need at times is also rough.  Yet, I am doing alright, I am navigating life in the best ways that I know how.  Even though I know this, there are still moments when tears fall uncontrollably.

Last week, I hung up on a friend when the tears became a little too out of control.  Did I have to? ABSOLUTELY not. . . .but I did.  And then I had the audacity to worry about whether or not I offended my friend and whether she would ever talk to me again.  STUPID.  Of course she would talk to me; she felt horrible that I was struggling as I was.  Another friend called me within a day of that and reminded me that I am allowed to call anytime, not only when I am calm, cool, and collected.

So, as this year comes to a close and next year opens, I am going to try to be a little more authentic with my tears by not holding them back from those that are my soul friends.  I love that I have people in my world that truly love all of me.  Crying allows me to release some of the deep pain that sometimes penetrates my being; those tears are a beautiful release.  My goal for the rest of my life is to realize that I really don’t have to go it alone.

May we are be blessed to feel openly with ourselves and those we love.

With blessings & light,
Chava

PS- When I was a young girl in the 1970s, Free To Be was a hit record.  One of my favorite songs from the album was “It’s All Right to Cry” – Music and Lyrics by Carol Hall, Performed by Rosey Grier.  Somehow the words always resonated with me even if it wasn’t so easy for me to cry; they still do.

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