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Posts Tagged ‘skies’

Have you ever been woken in the middle of the night by an inner voice? You know the one that tells you what you need to do.

Feb 2015  Walking from behind

What amazes me about that voice is that sometimes it is so on target and other times it fuels the fears that live deep inside. The key is learning which inner voice speaks truth.

The veil darkness has a way of both nourishing me and instilling a deep loneliness. When I envision the darkness as nourishing, I revel in the cocoon of my own making. I love being surrounded by the blanket of warmth which provides me a safe haven to dream, to think, and to simply be exactly where I am. And sometimes that darkness gives me the lonely space to realize my deepest pain, my loneliness, or the unanswered questions of my heart and soul.

The blackened skies provide an expanse to emerge exactly as I am. There is no one to protect me from my own inner thoughts. And no one to nudge me forwards or backwards; I am on my own.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And so my morning began.

At 3 AM, I awoke to the realizations that caused me to both cry and find comfort in my racing thoughts.

The question is whether or not to trust all that is racing through my brain. Or do I shut it down and let go.

Sleep doesn’t usually follow these episodes. Once I awake, I can’t hide from the stream of consciousness that flows. Unspoken dreams and profound realities are realized. With each breath, seeds are being planted in the soil of darkness.

Perhaps at daybreak, my eyes will open to some new sprouts and the morning light will brighten my spirit.

I am waiting. . . .

 

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Catalina Mountains remind me to keep climbing. :)

Catalina Mountains remind me to keep climbing. 🙂

Regardless of how life is
I find the light and focus on the good.
Light is full of shades from bright to darkness.

When the world is crumbling
Crumbling pieces are like remnants of cake.
Each morsel tasted and the sweetness digested

Breathing in light
Breathing out the darkness
Eventually after enough breaths, finding balance with each inhalation.

Thank God for new days
Bad days really do end
And new days emerge with beauty.

At the moment, I am keeping perspective while navigating the darkness that has been plaguing my life for way too long. Thankfully there are flowers that bloom constantly in the desert, a moon that illuminates even the darkest skies, and sunrises that revitalize the mountains while warming my heart and soul.

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מַה־נּוֹרָא הַמָּקוֹם הַזֶּה – How Awesome is THIS Place (Genesis 28:17)

With each breath, I am acutely aware of the beauty the surrounds me at any given moment.  While life is often a struggle, it is just as often full of beauty if I remember to open my eyes and take note.

I am blessed to live in a desert that truly comes alive at all times of day and night.  The wind blows, the coyotes howl, the surrounding skies keep my heart racing with anticipation.  The colors and the textures warm my being and remind me to breathe deeply.  While I miss the changing seasons, the oceans, and the falling leaves – I never tire of waking up to the surrounding mountains or vivid skies.

LateFallCatalinaMtns

Catalina Mountains (near Tuscon, Arizona)       Late November, 2013

Today as I sit reflecting on the rather intense changes my life has taken in recent years,  I am also taking notice that I have found profound gifts at every turn. Wherever I step, I experience a sense of awe.  New friends have replaced those that have left; my children are growing into both loving and wise men; writing and chanting continually jazz my soul; healthy living keeps me alive and thriving.  I am blessed.

How truly awesome is this place.

May we find light within each step as our journey continues.

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Note to Seeing the Door series:                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Wherever you go, possibilities surround you! By opening both your eyes and your heart, a door will always appear.

Have you ever noticed how many different types of doors exist in the world?  Nearly each and every door leads to an opportunity.  Some doors are physical; other doors are metaphoric.  All doors lead to opportunity.

A Broken Heart:

Most of us have had a broken heart, an intense loss that cripples our soul.  Sometimes we heal and sometimes we just move forward; we really don’t have a choice.

broken heart
My heart, for one, has been shattered more times than I’d like to remember.  I have lost lovers and friends, family members and loved ones.  I have suffered incredible pain at the hands of people that should have loved me differently.  And other losses happened because love evolved or death occurred.  With each broken heart, I have found a way to mend even though the memories run deep.

With each broken heart, I find a way to ride the waves and emerge a little stronger even if the pain stays with me.  Moving through the losses is a non-negotiable.  Only when tomorrows stop coming will I stop moving forward.  Moving forward is the gift I give myself.

Tonight, as I spoke to my nearly 20 year old, I told him that I felt horrible for a friend of mine going through a broken heart.  Without missing a beat, he asked if my friend would need heart surgery.  With laughter rippling through me and tears streaming down my face, I couldn’t stop laughing at how literal my precious son responded to my friend’s broken heart.  Wouldn’t it be amazing, if all of our broken hearts could mend so easily.  Reality doesn’t work that way.

The good news is that broken hearts lead to new realizations, infinite possibilities, sweet opportunities.  Life continues even after intense loss.  If you open your eyes, new horizons will light the morning and evening skies; it might take awhile, but it will happen.  One day you will step through the doorway and you will see the light.  While the light might be muted, it will still have the ability to usher you into a new horizon.

May each and every one of us find the sparks to move us through the doorways and towards the light.

With love, light, and blessings

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It’s official. . .I am certifiably nuts. . .  Tonight I went out walking and I serenaded the moon. While Dovi, my 15 year old son, might not forgive me, I am thrilled to have decompressed in this way.

I am one of the most intense people I know. I rarely shut down and just chill, but tonight I did.  Tonight I sang and created new lyrics to songs that usually have different words.  I chanted chants that move me to a spiritual place.  I laughed out loud and smiled broadly.  I felt truly alive.

As someone who has yet to study the power of the full moon, I believe it had something to do with the full moon’s energy.  Perhaps it also had to do with my need to relax and appreciate the rhythm of the earth and the rhythm of the sky.  My entire body reverberated from the energy I was feeling and it still is.

Life’s biggest gifts come when you open your eyes a little wider than normal, breathe a little deeper than usual, and watch things unfold.  Today that’s exactly what I did.  I appreciated what was and appreciated the moments as they unveiled themselves.

A few days ago, a distant friend who feels like a soul friend, asked me if I was ok.  With that one question, I was struck with the fact that I had not been managing my intensity as I should. And now, I feel blessed by both the question and the realization that came to me 24 hours later. While I embrace life and the emotional roller-coaster that comes with it, I really am feeling grounded and content.  While I am actively engaged in life’s journeys, I am also conscious of each and every emotion.  The bottom-line is I am an intense soul who constantly navigates the world and all of the inhabitants that I encounter.

I think, I feel, I dream, I vision, I seek, and I struggle.  I hope, I believe, I soar, and I embrace life intensely.  And yet when the day is done, when the moment ends, I am basically a content woman.  I love life.

Tonight the moon called to me.  She showed me her beautiful energy and she surrounded me too.  With that realization, I became acutely aware that my heart was soaring and my soul was singing.  And with each step under the moon and stars, I found my voice.

With love, light, and blessings . . .

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