Posts Tagged ‘sick’

Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom. For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for others, it is a tool for exploring the kabbalistic teachings in an organized way. For me, it is a time to actively reflect on my Journey Towards Wholeness. The more I am whole, the more free I will become.  [http://t.co/dBPYjDxSGj . . . .]

Up and Down. . .Up and Down. . .Up and Down

Today has been one of those days. While I woke up really sick, I was able to push through, walk gently and get a ton completed.  It always amazes me when this happens.

And then reality hit.  I have so much to do and so much to navigate. And in all honesty, I felt broken, not crushed, just wiped. Of course being sick didn’t help. Neither did the ants that keep taking over our home or the pervasive attitudes that I had to deal with or the fear of getting through the next three months. Oh. . .did I say I was sick?

With each passing hours, I found moments of awe. I was able to get some good work done even with feeling achy and weak. I am thrilled and excited to be doing some professional networking. Five boxes were boxed and are now in my car waiting to get mailed to my new city. And in the midst of the tough stuff, I kept finding beautiful light to brighten the path for me.

The wound is the place where the Light enters you.

As afternoon progressed, I needed to handle one of my sons that was navigating his own darkness. And we did! We were able to bounce to a healthier place. I am so grateful for how he is choosing to grow and heal from his own inner conflicts. It took a long drive, a lot of talking, some yelling, and some quiet. Transition is challenge no matter what age you are. I also had to cope with some of my own obsessiveness, waiting for my contract on a house to work out, and some sadness deep within. I was just missing some friends.

Returning home, I was hungry and exhausted from not getting enough rest. I am not sure that I could have expected anything different unless I did more to lay low.

Even with all the tough chunks of time, I found beautiful light guiding me to a brighter place. My rawness led me to see my friend’s beautiful flower as a tool for opening my heart and soul a bit wider. And another dear friend allowed me to reach deeper within myself by writing something that resonated so deeply that I felt my heart sing.

The art forms that surrounded me nudged me to keep moving and even to keep up my own practice of counting the Omer and actively engaging in My Journey Towards Wholeness. I’d say that admitting my seesaw day is a great way to start. Everyone has ‘those” days.Right?!?

The one decision I made after living through today is that the next house I buy has to have a seesaw in the yard and until then, I will start taking photos of some great seesaws until I find the perfect one to frame and put in my house.

Most of us go up and down on any given day. Today was just a little more kinetic than I wanted.

Intuitively, I think I needed today just so I could appreciate that “what goes up must go down.”

Soon I will close my eyes and rejuvenate my soul. I will feel the grateful for the darkness that always turns to light! And I will wake up tomorrow knowing that “All will be good.”

Seesaw Day

With love, light, and blessings – Good night!

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Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom. For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for others, it is a tool for exploring the kabbalistic teachings in an organized way. For me, it is a time to actively reflect on my Journey Towards Wholeness. The more I am whole, the more free I will become.  [http://t.co/dBPYjDxSGj . . . .]

Sometimes You Simply Have to
Howl at the Moon

Today was hard, really hard.

Many days have passed since I slept well.  Some of this is because I am struggling with the death of someone that was once in my family. At the same time, I am trying to figure out how I will make the move to Houston.. And through it all, I have holy work to do.

At dawn, after sleeping only a couple hours, I woke up to a really sick dog. My beloved Maddie wouldn’t eat, couldn’t drink, and was lethargic. In my worried state, I kept saying that all of us have moments we don’t feel good. Fortunately, she perked up, started eating ice cubes, and  eventually ate some dog treats, chicken and rice. And more good came when I had an awesome conversation with someone I needed to connect with via work. But then. . .

Tonight grew hard again when the exhaustion seeped into my bones yet I had to drive for over two hours so that I could try to navigate a potential challenge. Ugh! I had to go to the Staples in Charlottesville so that I could try to uncover my credit report; for some reason it is in hiding. The good news was that I was able to spend some time connecting with friends. And through it all, I also had to be present for someone in serious emotional distress.

Coming home, I was greeted at the door with a late dinner, a few minutes with my sons, a hot cup of chamomile tea, and a hungry, but happy dog. At the same time, I am feeling profoundly grateful to my new communities support in Houston!

Regardless of what type of day and evening I had, I realized that while the day had really hard moments, it also had amazing blessings too. And in the end of it all, the full moon was calling my name.  The moon was waiting for me to howl at it. So I did!

Moon May 2015

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Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom. For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for others, it is a tool for exploring the kabbalistic teachings in an organized way. For me, it is a time to actively reflect on my Journey Towards Wholeness. The more I am whole, the more free I will become.  [http://t.co/dBPYjDxSGj . . . .]

Lake Audubon - courtesy of Shay Seaborne

Lake Audubon – courtesy of Shay Seaborne            

 “The sea is only drops of water that have come together.”
Quote by Desmond Tutu

~ ~ ~

I’ve been blessed, really blessed. My body is strong, my mind is clear, my heart is open, and all five of my senses help me navigate the world. My spirit has always found a way to soar. Whenever I have been sick, I have healed. So while I may not be the most coordinated or have the ability to hear thunder in the distance, I can do do my part to take care of the world.

My voice is strong. Over the years, I have learned to use my words wisely. Whether I am speaking or writing, I can share what I know, what I think, and what I believe. Insight can only come if I truly listen and if I am critical to all the information that surrounds me. And once I have gained perspective, I can ask more and more questions to gain the clearest picture possible. While all of this is good, What I love most is making people smile, laugh, and even cry when they get lost in the stories I share.

Every part of my body can be used to help another human being. Over the years, I have cooked for homeless and sick: I have helped others walk, stand or move; and I have even done my part to make someone’s home livable. I have listened to those that needed their story to be heard. I have held the hands of people who are getting ready to take their last breath. I have taught children and adults to read and held babies so that their parents could take a moment to care for themselves.

Perhaps the best work that I have done is that of an organizer. In my congregation years ago, I started the group of people that did bikkur holim, caring for the sick and their families. Through that work, I was able to create a team of people that sometimes cooked for families, sometimes took those that were ill to treatment/appointments, or stayed with members of the family when needed. I have also organized families and teens to work in soup kitchens, cook for group homes, make blankets for NICU babies and sick people. By organizing people, I am giving others the opportunity to make a difference too.

The beauty of life is that while I have chosen to give to the best of my abilities, I have also received so much from others. When my family has faced health challenges, friends and strangers alike opened their doors and offered their homes to us. When challenges struck and I didn’t know how I would afford even the simplest of necessities, everything that I needed appeared. At different points during my life, people have given me work and money; a bed to sleep in and food to eat.  In truth, I have been blessed with friends that have seen me clearly and some strangers that emerged at the perfect moment. While I have had to dodge a few metaphoric bullets, I have never been without even the most basic of needs. The blessings abound and always have.

Through watching others, I have learned and continue to learn how valuable and beautiful is to give. I am the person I am because my eyes have witnessed real acts of gemilut chasadim, loving kindness. I have seen homeless or battered women care for one another. I have watched people that have nothing offer their own beds to someone who ran away from an abusive situation. After floods, hurricanes, or natural disasters, I have watched people rush to alleviate the pain or discomfort of others.  So many amazing souls are making a difference through their actions.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment
before starting to improve the world.”

Quote by Anne Frank

There is so much to do – always. May we all learn things we can do and then choose to do what we can.

With love, light, and blessings,

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Listening To My Body: Allowing it to Heal

This week I got slam-dunked with a virus.  In truth, I know that illness came to me not because I stood near someone with a virus, but because I needed to have some time to sort out my feelings and heal from all that has been going on in the last few months.  And perhaps, I got sick because I needed to just stop moving for a little while and rest.

Yesterday, I don’t think I left my bed for more than 20 minutes, maybe even less.  As my fever remained a solid 101+ degrees (I normally run about 97.1), I was fairly miserable and I physically could not move.  Today, my body’s temperature seemed to be quite normal, but my body wasn’t buying it.  Today’s activities included showering, laying down, going to the chiropractor, laying down, taking Maddie on a short walk, laying down. Each activity took no more than 15 – 30 minutes, each nap or resting took about 2 hours. . . .and I am still wiped.

Sick June 2014Stop. . .Listen. . .What a concept

My body is telling me something. It is telling me to stop and frankly it isn’t giving me a choice.  Even if I wanted to go for a long walk or to work, I couldn’t do it.  Even my time on Facebook or blogging has had to be short, I simply do not have the energy or ability to do much more than rest.  And in truth I fear the results of me ignoring my body.  I fear serious illness.  So, while I can’t afford to refrain from working now that I am paid hourly; I also can’t afford to wipe myself out.

This week, I needed some time to process all that has been going on in my world and to make some decisions about how I will proceed professionally and emotionally.  My body is making sure I listen to my need to process by not allowing me the opportunity to move.  The last 7 months have been hard, really hard.  In fact much of the past several years have been a struggle.  I have never focused on the challenging times or allowed them to control how I walk in the world, but that doesn’t mean all has been ok.

There is a plus side to all of this.  In this moment, I am feeling optimistic and clear; my life and my children’s lives will be good.  Whatever we do, wherever we go, life will be good.

While I believe I will go to work tomorrow, my guess is that I will be gone no more than 5 hours and then I will return to rest until I am ready to move again.  And for this weekend, I have already said no to working so that I can continue my healing journey.

This week’s virus has allowed me the time I needed to take a deep breath, stop, and listen to my body.

For next time, it is my hope that I remember to breathe, stop, and listen to my body before my body tells me it has no choice.


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