Posts Tagged ‘shadow’

and i said to my body. softly. ‘i want to be your friend.
‘ it took a long breath. and replied
‘i have been waiting my whole life for this.’

~nayyirah waheed



Shadow at a labyrinth

My body aches. My spirit is a little bruised. And I really am OK.

Last Saturday, I became contaminated with gluten which left me completely debilitated and unable to fully focus. With my joints swollen and an inability to fully think, I became temporarily despondent. Of course, I also worried that this was not simply a reaction to someone with celiac disease being contaminated with gluten. Instead I thought that perhaps I had a serious illness and the timing of me being contaminated with gluten was simply a coincidence. I think many of us get dramatic when we are physically and emotionally depleted.

After a few days of feeling absolutely horrible, I became desperate, took a deep breath, and asked my Facebook Village for help. And of course they did. Even more amazing, I listened. I decided to make some different food choices, take supplements, drink a lot more water, and allow myself to go through some of my deep frustration and sadness.

In response, it is so awesome how eating the right foods, etc. gave my body a chance to begin healing and made me feel a little better with each passing day. This morning, I felt a better than I did yesterday and this evening not as well. Being on a seesaw is never fun for me, but it is a normal trajectory in any healing journey. While I have a ways to go, I know what I have to do. AND I know that all will be ok.

There are some bummers in this journey. I have decided that it is time to refrain from eating out again unless I eat simple salads or perhaps a few really sensitive vegetarian restaurants. I also realize that it is time for me to find some new doctors because my reaction to gluten contamination is growing more significant. And I am also dealing with how vulnerable I feel around this challenge.

Opening up and sharing my inner thoughts is so very hard when anxiety seems to reign inside my body. Yet over the last couple of years, I have learned time and again that I am blessed with good friends who really are present when I need them. While remaining in the shadows is somewhat easier when I am having a challenging time, the key is to take a deep breath (when ready) and reach out as appropriate.

Would love to know your thoughts and how you move forward when you feel paralyzed in any way.

With love, light, and blessings,


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Blogging is what I do.  I love writing and sharing my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Reflection Time Selfie

Reflection Time Selfie

If this is your first time reading this series of my blog, please take a moment and read the introduction Elul Journey: A New Year Is Emerging – 5775  http://t.co/Y6vmXdO6GJ

Today is 25 Elul or 5 days until 5775; it is a time to reflect and to choose ways in which I can best move towards the High Holy Days and the days that follow.  While it is not easy to navigate life’s journeys, I always get to decide how to approach my life.  In this moment, I am choosing to walk gently and embrace each step with openness.  As I say this, I also realize that this would be a good time for a reality check.

During each blog post of my Elul Journeys, I will share a poem, a saying, a teaching that has helped me navigate the world.  Let me know what you think!

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The happiest people do not have the best of everything they make the best of everything?

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Life can be hard.

Have you ever noticed how storms can appear scary and full of beauty at the same time?    Perhaps this vision is a metaphor for life.  Even when bad things happen, there can often be sparks of light that help make the tough stuff easier to navigate.  Here is a beautiful story, I feel compelled to share:

HOLY WOW MOMENT: Today I met a beautiful soul who was absolutely inspirational!!!  She walked into where I was on unsteady feet with a white cane, a stick that blind people use to help them navigate.  While she struggled ever so slightly, her energy was full of light, so I consciously found a way to connect with her.  We kibitzed (joked) for a moment before she shared her story.

Judy was a visual artist before a medication took her sight totally away; after 6 months, she recovered a tiny bit, she sees color & shadows with her limited vision AND she has found that she is even happier with her new art form.

We can all learn from Judy; I know I did.

May we each find the light that often engulfs us during the storms of life.

With blessings & light,

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Counting the Omer is about reflecting how I hold myself as I move towards freedom.  Each and every day I am actively working on making myself a better and more kind human-being.  I am also trying to manage some of the shadows that sometimes surround me by engaging more with the light.

Washington DC skies following a storm.

Managing the shadows; engaging in the light

As we wrap up the week of chesed, loving-kindness, I am hoping that I have taken a few moments to become less self-absorbed and more present for my children and for those I love.  So many times over the past week, I have wanted to remain in a quiet place, but with our Passover Seders and with my need to be more present for others, that wasn’t a choice I could make.  Sometimes I had to find the silence within myself, but remain present with the tasks at hand.  For the most part, I was able to do what I needed to do and I was lucky to have some close friends surround me when I needed that too.

Our Jewish day begins in the evening; today is Day 7 of the Counting of the Omer.  Today we focus on malchut she b’chesed, finding the divine-power within loving-kindness.  From my years in a Reconstructionist world, I grew to find comfort in the thought that God is within us.  With that in mind, I can utilize the many teachings of how to walk in a Godly way and in the end I wind up with chesed, loving-kindness as a core practice within my life.  Personally, I rarely think of God as melech, king, instead I think of God as a spirit that flows around me and through me.  With that belief I have the responsibility to walk gently within the world and to honor which exists by actively engaging in chesed as much as humanly possible.

Ken y’hi ratzon, may it be so!


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