Posts Tagged ‘New Year’s Eve’

Tonight is New Year’s Eve.

While the traditional observance holds little meaning for me in some ways, in other ways it fuels some very deep sadness in my life.

Sadness happens.  On most days I can keep the sadness at bay, but not today.  Today reminds me of the deep void that sometimes takes ahold of my heart and soul.  December 31st has been tough for the last few years.  The good news is that I know that while I am fragile, I am capable of navigating reality.

Most folks think I am ‘an open book’ and sometimes I am; other times I am not.  Over the years, I have learned that sharing your pain can exponentially increase the pain; talking about it leads to more sadness.  So tonight, I am going to admit where I am and do what I do best. . . .I am going to actively seek the light that surrounds me.

How did I do this? How will I continue to nurture the light?

Seeking light begins with admitting how I feel as I strive to reach out of my darkness and embrace light.  For me, I have learned that light always surrounds me, I just have to willing to navigate so that I may reach the light.

Tonight, as I sat in my dark hole, I decided that I would do what I can to remind myself that whatever I have been feeling today and whatever I am feeling in this moment doesn’t have  stay with me.  So I fanned the flame and light started to emerge.  I started by coming home from the grocery store with a gift for myself and with a mission too.

Candles with rose

After purchasing the single rose and lighting some candles, I was ready to navigate my way to a happier place.  Sitting down for a good dinner with Aryeh and Dovi, my sons, I started to feel the gratitude.  And after dinner I came upstairs to my writing space.  Now that I have reached out to some friends, written this blog, and given myself a little time to work through my internal struggles, I am feeling a bit stronger, a bit more ready to face my turmoil.

I am seeking, I am striving, I am in it with all my heart. ~Vincent Van Gogh


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