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Posts Tagged ‘myself’

Tonight, we counted Day 16 of the Omer, which is 2 weeks and 2 days of the counting of the Omer.  We refer to today as Gevurah she-b’Tiferet; strength within harmony, balance, and/or beauty.

Over the years I have noticed that when I live in a place of inner strength, spiritual balance or harmony follow close behind.

CafePasseNeeds

Inner strength comes from a variety of sources for me, including, but not limited to:

  • Having integrity with each thing I say or write
  • Exhibiting courage by thinking and acting as consciously
  • Being present for those that need me
  • Taking care of my body, mind, and soul by doing that which nourishes me and refraining from that which depletes me
  • Believing that all will be ok even when life’s challenges feel overwhelming

Balance comes from doing our best to create sacred or holy environments.

With each step I take in the world, may I remember to ask: What am I doing for myself, my community (however I want to interpret that), and the world?

Gevurah she-b’Tiferet (strength within harmony or balance) comes from living consciously.  May we all do our part.

 

 

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Coming to Tucson was bold for me, perhaps even crazy.

With each day I am finding out more about myself.  Some things I like; some things I like less.  Mostly I am learning to acknowledge that life as I knew it is different, not necessarily better or worse, just different.  I am also learning to accept the dichotomies of each and every reality.

My goal in coming here was to be the best educator I can be; I want to soar and to bring light to my work.  I also want to improve my writing and nurture my creative soul.  My art, my writing, my healing work. . . .over the coming years I want to soar in every way.  Mostly, I want to create a place that I can call home.  I crave a spiritual sanctuary and a way of life that inspires me.

Each morning, I wake up grateful and aware of that I am in a time of rebirthing.  As my eyes open, I find myself acknowledging that while I am a very strong woman, I am also more vulnerable than I have ever been in my adult life.  I have little support and too much to do! My friends are too far away, but I am making friends nearly every day.  I travel the roads around Tucson, but I am having trouble navigating out of the city; everything I do is in Tucson and my soul yearns to be out of the city.

And then there is the fabulous house I am renting.  Wow. . .I am really lucky and yet I am so ill equipped for taking care of it.  Somehow the dishes get done, the laundry too. . . but the floors, the garden always seem to wait.  With each day, I am learning how to manage and I am looking forward to 8 -10 months from now when I can find a smaller home or maybe even dream of buying a home (probably not for awhile longer).

The desert landscape makes me want to cry each and every day.  “How great is your work, oh God, how very deep are your thoughts!” Psalm 92:6.  When I look to the mountains, I know I am home; for now I am finding myself and creating a new foundation.  Today I worked in my yard; I have so much to learn.  And with each action I am doing, I am finding myself calm and centered.  Raking and mowing, weeding and pruning are so profoundly meditative.  I can’t believe I like it, but I wish I wasn’t such a novice.

The one thing that blows me away is the amount of water I am drinking.  I sure do seem to need the hydration.  In my imagination, I believe that I am cleansing my soul and my body with each class of water.  The cleansing sure does feel good.

Yesterday, I took a hike or should I say a stroll that left me lost in many ways.  For those that worry about my free spirit nature, I wasn’t alone this time.  But I was out of shape and ill equipped for a gentle hike at a higher altitude than I have been in a while.  I should be celebrating my life, my health, but instead I am bummed that I am not as healthy nor vibrant as I want to be.  I am trying to keep perspective, I know that I have lost over 60 lbs and managed to keep it off for a year or so.  I also know that I have more to go and I am starting to do it.  The sadness at my lack of physical stamina is intense.  Did I ever really run every day? How could I let my body go? How can I live with the realities of health challenges that made me sedentary?  I want to be vibrant; I want to reach my 50s as a healthy and vibrant soul, but I wonder if it is possible.  Tomorrow I will head out to the mountain alone; this time I will move slowly and breathe deeply.  I will chant and keep moving; I will push myself with each step.

With each breath, I am seeking a stronger foundation; I am yearning to find solid ground and to grow the person I want to be.  As I sit here in the holy month of Elul, I realize that I have made so some mistakes in my life, yet I am striving to surpass them and be a better mother, a friend, and a person.  I want to be the best me that I can be. I always want to be the best that I can be. This is great time of year for appreciating soul reflection.

May each of us explore ourselves as we navigate where we are.

With love, light, and blessings, Chava

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