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Posts Tagged ‘mothering’

(Note: I love being a mother to my sons, but I rarely think of Mother’s Day from the perspective of being an Ima, a mom,  or a mother.  This is one of the days that causes me to remember my own mother and those memories are far from good ones.)

In my own world! February 2015

Photo Courtesy of Aryeh Grossman; Composition by Marty Johnson

Mother’s Day always makes me sad and often makes me cry.

My own mother was a sick and troubled soul. While the pain she caused might have been only a portion of the pain she felt, the pain she caused left me broken and shattered.

Mother’s Day reminds me that I often feel less than whole. I feel like something will always be missing. Mom often reminded me that I was fat and ugly; mom didn’t know how to love me or nurture my soul.

But I will always remember that my mother gave me life. So while I may have moments when I feel battered and broken, I have always found the resiliency I need to embrace the healing journey.

The pain she caused empowered me to become the person I am. I love life deeply and I treasure my loved ones as well as the world around me. All life forces matter and I live accordingly.

Taking control of my life is a beautiful thing. Over the years, I have found my voice through writing and sharing my stories, I learned how to walk a healthier journey than the one of my birth, and I have grown into the beautiful woman that I am.

While Mother’s Day makes me pause and reminds me of my harsh beginnings with my own mother, it also reminds me of how far I have come.  Perhaps one day, I won’t cry on Mother’s Day. Perhaps I will be able to celebrate that I am the woman I am because of how my mother mothered me.

May it be so. . .

 

 

 

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Mothering Dovi has taught me so much about life.  Mostly he has taught me about the power of silence; speaking should be done when you really have something to say.  He says what he thinks and he rarely does small talk.  When he speaks, he usually has something insightful to share.  Dovi is also one of the kindest people I know.  For the most part he uses his words wisely.

Dovi with a closed mouth. . .no surprise here.

In August 2009, I learned one of  the most empowering lesson of my life.  Silence does not necessarily mean disinterest or lack of caring.  My assumption could have been a costly one to our mother-son connection.  Living in Washington, as we did at the time, we had the opportunity to attend rallys, actively engage in politics, and to be involved in the holy work of Tikun Olam, healing the world.  On this one occasion,  I had planned to take the boys to a rally at Dupont Circle in honor or memory of young adults in the LGBT community in Israel that were killed while seeking a supportive environment of their moadon, community center.  Dovi didn’t want to go; I had assumed he wanted to hang with friends or play on his computer. I was wrong.

The outburst that followed was painful for both of us.  Dovi told me that he feared the consequences of our attending the gathering.  Jews are persecuted for being Jewish; the LGBT community is persecuted for their lifestyle.  He was petrified.  We did end up going and the entire time, Dovi made me hold him tightly.  And while everything did turn out OK, we did experience one crazy man (within 6 feet of us) who yelled obscenities to the crowd before he was escorted away by police.

This experience as well as observing how Dovi walks  through the world has given me many moments to pause.  My beautiful son has taught me to trust the silence without the need to fill in the empty space with words.  He has taught me that making assumptions based on someone’s silence does not always serve us well.  And mostly Dovi has taught me to trust silence a little more than I had in the past.

May we all learn from the lives of those around us.

With love and light . . . .

Found on Facebook – looking to give credit

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