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Posts Tagged ‘moment’

NakedTreeWinterEastCoast

Most of life has been good to me, but there have been moments in my youth that have come back to haunt me….not once, not twice, but many times over the course of my lifetime.  Even though I have been blessed to heal and move forward, my memory has remained.

 

All of us have moments of intense loss, painful tragedies, or stories that feel better left unsaid.  Life happens.  For the most part we find a way to move forward, to take one step and then another and then another until we find a new norm.  That, my friend, is one of life’s gifts.

Every now and again, something triggers the pain the memory, the fear. . . emotions take over and we seem to relive the moment that literally took our breath away and forced us to deal with our feelings.  Tonight was such a night.

One moment, I was walking, humming to myself, and thinking about some people in my life that are in need of healing.  I was in my own beautiful world, feeling calm and peaceful.  I was visioning people I love and care for in a better state of health and then I heard the noises that left me in fear for my life.  Loud screams, horrible pain, and violent sounds.  In a moment, I was transformed into a very scared human being who was terrified because I didn’t know what the next moment would bring.  After a moment, I called the police and I came home as fast as I could.  And I was ok; I am still ok.  For now, I am just dealing with the skeletons in my closet; they will be gone by morning.

In the 10 minutes that I was stuck outside with the noises and my fear, I felt my entire body tighten with fear as the sweat rolled down my face, down my neck, down my back.  A moment can change everything; a moment did change everything.  The tranquility I felt is gone, but at least in this moment, I feel safe.

While I don’t know what went down, I do know that the vulnerability I felt until I made it home cut like a knife.  I am ok, but nothing  can ever prepare me for that moment that the memories come racing back and I feel like the little girl that experienced violence and pain.  The memories never really go away; they find a quiet space to rest until the peacefulness comes to a screeching halt with a trigger.

Violence happens, accidents occur, and we do move forward. . . . .

Tonight was just a moment.  My hope is that all is really ok; perhaps all I heard was a haunted memory.  I am so grateful that the moment that brought so much fear is over and that I am safe at home.  My labored breath of an hour ago is becoming easier.

Tomorrow will be a great day! No longer do I have to live in fear. . . .the moment is over.

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‘Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.’ ~Thich Nhat Hahn

 

Some days are filled with moments when you’d rather be somewhere else or curled up in a ball and hiding.  Those days are part of life and we each get to decide how to move through them.   From experience, I know that bad days will pass and good days happen more frequently than not.  Still I often think of the children’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Voirst.  In the book, Alexander believes that moving to Australia will make everything better.

Nearly each and every time, I am in a bad mood I think of the book about Alexander and giggle at how ludicrous and great it would be if I could just run away to Australia.  Even though I have yet to visit Australia, but still the thought enters my brain even if only for a second.

While dark moments visit, one of the most beautiful gifts I can give myself within this journey is to remember that I love this universe whether in Tucson, Washington DC or Australia.  Difficult moments will pass.  Breathing deeply and walking gently can transform dark moods.   However, sometimes the moods will stay; sometimes moments are tough, but they do evenually pass.

As I was recovering from a fairly tough day, my friend Rabbi Shai Specht’s tweet reminded me,  “How things look on the outside of us depends on how things are on the inside of us.”  Once I read the tweet, I decided to lie down in bed and take a few minutes to blog while thinking of my long-term blog assignment that I am contemplating.  And with that I quickly found center again.  Life is serious business, but if I remember that I am walking on the earth, I will be able to navigate with a both ease and grace.

Looking forward to continuing to walk on the earth; I really do love have a love affair with the earth beneath my feet.  Hoping you do too!

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