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Posts Tagged ‘living’

HIDING
is a way of staying alive. Hiding is a way of holding ourselves
until we are ready to come into the light.

Excerpted from CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.
2015 © David Whyte
Spruce Knob, WV. Mark H Schneider!- Shai's cousin

Photo Courtesy: Mark H Schneider Spruce Knob, WV

This is Blog #500. Wow.

AND yesterday I hit 40,000 views of my blog! Another wow!!!

For me, writing is as important as my heartbeat or my breathing. If I am not writing, I am probably doing my own version of dying. What a gift that I am very much living!!!

For me, writing is the way I share myself fully, it is how I share my soul.  If I have taken the time to write, know that the words spoken were written from the fullness of my being in THAT moment. Writing is how I feel most comfortable in my skin.

~ ~ ~

When most people ask how any of us are, they are looking for simple responses. “Good” or “Fine” are the best answers for small talk. A quick and easy reply is what is expected.

Years ago, I determined that small talk doesn’t serve me well. Professionally and among strangers, I do what is expected; over time though, I have found ways to remain more authentic whenever possible. I have found friends and loved ones that inspire my true self to shine and for transparency.

There is a passion that runs deep within me. While people often describe me as warm and fun-loving, those that know me well know that I am much more complex than I appear at face value.  A simple description defies the essence of who I truly am.  In fact, it may be better to describe me as an similar to an onion; there are so many layers to who I am as a person.

When I connect with a soul friend, I’d rather be silent than share small talk. There is always so much going on inside my head and my heart. Life is full of ‘many moving parts’; my mind rarely quiets down.  At any given moment, I am contemplating my inner thoughts. At any given moment, I could be thinking about what is going on in my life or the lives of those I love; I may be thinking about my students, my community, or the world.  My soul friends tend to understand that my silence does not mean disinterest; it means I can’t wait until we have time to truly share.

Reality is that there are days I feel alone.  I know that my intensity is too much for my soul friends to absorb with regularity. I realize that it is through writing that I release my thoughts and I also realize that as I grow writing is not always enough; sometimes I have a deep sense of longing to share myself not only through my writing. Again, this is the gift of personal growth. There is a time for writing, a time for conversation, and a time for silence. This is called balance.

The rawness that is part of my every breath stopped being held by the container called my body. But I have learned to shed that container by allowing my passion to flow, sometimes through my tears, sometimes through my connections with others, and mostly through my fingers/hands. It is through my writing, journaling, and doodling that I find balance and that the triteness of my soul flows out into the universe. I love that I am not bound by any one way of living and communicating.

The game ‘Hide and Seek’ has empowered me to stretch and grow, to heal and thrive.  Going inward when I need to collect my thoughts, but not needing to stay there; my voice matters. . .I don’t have to hide any longer.  I still have to choose the right time to be fully present with other, to write from my heart, or to go inwards until the right forms of expression emerge.

Thanks for reading. . . .can’t wait to see what will be in the next 10, 20, 30, 50, or 500 blogs.

 

 

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Look what I found on my journal page as I was writing this morning. :) Every moment can be the start of something great!

Look what I found on my journal page as I was writing this morning. 🙂 Every moment can be the start of something great!

I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking,
what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.
What I want and what I fear.

~Joan Didion~

Writing is the way I come to understand the deepest part of me.

My son Dovi often looks at me when I am cranky and asks have I written lately.  Usually when he asks, the answer is ‘no’, hence the reason for my crankiness.

Lately, I haven’t been writing nearly enough.  Life’s challenges have been overwhelming and I haven’t wanted to note it in any way; I wanted to hide my thoughts from myself.  The good news is that this time, my lack of writing was not a sign of darkness; I was simply trusting the silence and allowing myself a little space from knowing navigating the intensity of my soul.

After flirting (in my head) with some new realizations about life and friends last night, I woke up ready to journal for the first time in over two weeks.  While I have been blogging and editing some of my writing for what will be a future book, I wasn’t journaling.  For me journaling is the most intimate form of self-expression that I can experience. In my journals, I have shared thoughts and feelings that I would rarely (if ever) say out-loud.  I use my stream of consciousness writing to unlock pain, process happiness, hope without judgement, and believe in endless possibilities.

In my journal, I reach for the stars and navigate pain; I allow myself to feel deeply.

This morning’s journaling practice woke up my spirit and calmed my sense of overwhelm.

While I often feel like I am treading water or peddling backwards, today I realized that I am always moving! I NEVER give up!!!  As long as I keep moving, I am doing the holy work of living!

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Time has always been a challenge.  Finding time. . . .Taking time. . . .Creating time. . . .

Writers_Clock_ Black

Yet time is our gift.  Taking time to do what you love. . . . . Using your time so that you can make a difference. . . . . .Finding beauty within the time that you do have.

While I have been overwhelmed by how time has seemingly evolved over the past week, I am also feeling a moment of intense gratitude.  This week has also been full of amazing gifts that would not have been possible if I had no time.

  1. Completing many tasks at work (of course, there is more to do.)
  2. Writing
  3. Hanging with my kids
  4. Watching my kids navigate life
  5. Missing what I can’t have, but learning to accept what is
  6. Finding time to write in my favorite place, Cafe Passe
  7. Staying up until 3:30 AM so that I could complete two mailings
  8. Eating dinner with an amazing couple that I have grown to love
  9. Freezing as I walked my dog
  10. Opening a package from our favorite store in the world, Milky Wave Tie Dye
  11. Breathing deeply
  12. Whistling, chanting, thinking. . .
  13. Fighting illness and winning!
  14. Teaching an amazing adult education class on liturgy
  15. Feeling anxiety when I dealing with hard stuff
  16. Working until I can’t keep my eyes open
  17. Making new friends
  18. Creating (in my head) new classes I want to teach
  19. Smiling, dreaming, being. . . .
  20. Coming home too hungry to cook and finding my son has already cooked dinner for our family
  21. Feeling my other son gently take my computer from my lap so he could guide me to my bed
  22. Living

Without time, none of this would happen.  When you have time; you have life.

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