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Posts Tagged ‘journals’

“Writing is like breathing, it’s possible to learn to do it well, but the point is to do it no matter what.”
~Julia Cameron,
The Right to Write: 
An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life

December Sunset

LightWave Journey, my blog, was created as a tool for finding light with each step of life’s journey.

I love the power of weaving words together.  Each word has the power to supply food for thought.  I actively strive to be impactful. Sometimes I succeed; often I don’t quite make it.  But the power of blogging is that I can go back and edit my thoughts and openly rethink my ideas. The bottom-line is that it is all about writing.

Mostly I don’t know who reads my blog; on a rare occasion, a post I have written gets 100 or even 200 hits. I am always touched when someone stops me and says that my writing has been inspirational.  Or when someone stops me and shares a story that they just needed to share.

My fingers have always helped me to explore the wild web of my thoughts.  I am a seeker who aspires to find sparks within the world I live.  Challenging times happen; tragedy and pain emerge with and without warning. My hope is to always find sparks even if only in the briefest of moments.

I was a born writer. From my earliest days, I remember dreaming that I would touch people with my words.  I used to think I would write children’s books, later I wanted to be a powerful journalist. Most of my life I have kept journals and today I dream of writing two books.  One of the books is being rooted from my blog and the other one is in the midst of being birthed; I will share more when the time is right.

Today writing is a springboard for the holy work I hope to one do and perhaps that I have already begun to do.  With every ounce of my being, I want my written voice to inspire others that are on their own journey. Sometime in my  teens, I figured out that each of life’s storms gave me kindle to ignite my words which would ultimately become my strongest tool towards healing.

My earliest years were filled with destructive storms and impenetrable darkness; my adult years included blocks of health challenges for people I adored. Life is what it is.  The gift is that I have ALWAYS strived to find the gifts within the challenges.  That is how I walk through the world; may I always do so!

Being transparent about my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, and my memories is what I do! My fingers are the tool that I use to dig down deep into my soul and allow my being to emerge.

Many years ago, my journals became compromised due the the act of someone close to me.  The devastation left me unable to write again for many months; I just couldn’t do it.  Until the day that Dovi, my then 9 year old looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me that I needed to write.  My little boy knew that I would not emerge from my then darkness without taking my time to write.

For many months following that time, Dovi would check in with me daily to make certain that I was taking time to write.  As time moved on, he would ask me if I was writing whenever I had a moment of the grumps.  Forget when I was still having PMS, I had to spend my time acting like I was writing or my son would become crestfallen.  I love how Dovi intuitively knew that my writing had a core role in my mental health; both of my sons know that now.

The funny thing is that my kids have rarely ask me details about what I write.  They trust that as long as I am taking time to write that I am balanced and feeling at peace.  I know that Aryeh sometimes checks out my blog.  And Dovi will sometimes ask me to share my short children’s stories or ask me what I am creating.  Guess I will have to always continue to write if I want the guys to be ok. 🙂

May writing, like breathing, always be an active part of my life.

With love, light, and blessings,
Chava

 

 

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Thinking: the talking of the soul with itself.
Plato

This week I started reading Martin Buber’s, I and Thou.  While I have tried a couple of times and probably read excerpts over the years, this is the first time that I am determined to read the book in it’s entirety.

Buber I & Thou

At this point, you might be wondering why I am sharing about a book I am reading.  In truth, I am not sure exactly why I am sharing, yet I know  that the time has come to share a little more of my soul.

Each and every one of us has gifts and limitations, fears and dreams.  The key to moving forward in life is to accept who you are as you strive to be everything you want to be through work and perseverance.  So with that in mind, I want to share a little bit more about myself than I have yet to share.

While I love books and read them frequently, I have stayed away from books that force me to focus, to read/reread passages, and to feel limited.  Over the last couple of months, I have actively engaged in changing my default mode.  I am reading articles about the authors and thinkers I want to explore.  I am pushing myself to read excerpts from those that have previously been unreachable to me.  And a couple of days ago, I started reading Martin Buber’s I and Thou all by myself knowing that I will have a group of friends that will explore this work with me when I am done.

Reflecting Back In Time

Most of my life, I did great in school.  I was able to keep up with all of my studies and excel too!  But inwardly, I have always felt a little limited.  I surrounded myself with really smart people and benefited from the wind in their sails.    But inside, I always struggled with whether or not I was really smart; I also believed I was inarticulate.  At this point, people that know me might be rolling their eyes because I did do great in school and I am usually able to speak out in a class or a lecture.  I have also been known to teach some good adult education classes along with children too.  But still there is a quiet voice inside of me that challenges my right to teach, to speak up, or even to write.

Over the past 16 years, I have learned to push through my fear of writing and sharing my writing.  Writing sustains me as it strengthens my core being.  I remember the precise moment that I realized I could write again.  Weeks after my second son, Dovi, was adopted, a magazine wanted to do an article on our amazing adoption.  My initial response was “sure”.  And then I realized that I had to be the one to write our story.  I had to bury the skeleton that had kept me from writing for over a decade.

A decade earlier, a professor had told me that I should give up writing because I was really “quite horrible”.  Until that moment, becoming a writer had been a secret dream of mine.  I wrote in daily journals and looked for ways to share my writing as often as possible.  And in just a brief moment, I walked out of my upper level writing class and left it all behind.  I was crushed.  During that period of time, I believe the only thing I wrote was a shopping list.

Today I write.  I write nearly every day and I am getting ready to begin writing a book.  At this moment the details don’t matter, but I am hoping that this book will lead to more open doors and to my sharing some of what I know with others in workshop formats.  I am writer.  Yay!!! I overcame my inadequate feelings by working my way through the writing journey, word by word.

Jumping Ahead to Today

And now I am doing the same with reading Martin Buber.  I am reading each word out loud.  I am asking questions as I go, reading books and articles to help me understand one of the greatest philosophers and scholars of all time.  Word by word, I am reading his work.  After I finish Buber, I will read the works of Franz Kafka, Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav in Hebrew, and Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan.

The time has come for me to stretch myself and to trust that while I feel limited at times, I am human.  I have a brain that needs to be stretched and a voice that can be part of the conversations that will help not only myself understand what I am reading, but others too.

And now that I am feeling comfortable enough with myself to be transparent, I can say that I love that I am not alone in struggling to grasp Martin Buber.  Many readers struggle to understand this brilliant man.  Perhaps, I am really not too intellectually limited. . . . perhaps?

In this moment, I am happy that I am beginning to silence the quiet voice that kept me from writing for over a decade and kept me from exploring amazing scholars for much longer.

Reality check:  I am really not so limited after all!

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