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Today is Day 20 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

~ ~ ~

I think that this Selfie Challenge was actually a little ridiculous. While I wanted to have fun and celebrate me a bit more. What I craved was to unveil myself on a much deeper level. I am sure I did that only marginally on a couple of the days.

In the end, I realized how much I have hated looking at myself and finding the beauty in me in this way. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, I am content with how I look and yet there are absolutely things that I’d like to change. Sigh. I am probably not too unique there.

Day 20Day 20 has proven to me  that I should give up trying to capture my beauty in a selfie. Sure I can do selfies sometimes, but I really don’t want to see my face everyday.

Looking good is important to me, but there is nothing about my face that changes with any regularity. I am too down-to-earth for that. And for the record, I really do prefer wearing black shirts and jeans so that takes away from making each photo different. I tried and I even succeeded some. 🙂

And yet, here is one of the hard truths of this journey. I found some beauty, but I also found a woman that has more work to do and authenticity to live. Finding a selfie I loved each day meant that I took many failures first. I learned to really hate my double-chin and excess weight. And mostly, I learned that it was the writing practice I adored.

Ok. . .so now I know. . . I need to keep writing. This is NOT a newsflash; I have been a writer since first picking up a pen or pencil. I’ve always loved writing!

What I really wanted to do is write about how I am feeling about the world, about some new and painful realizations about myself, about how I struggle to find joy and happiness or exuberance and yet even in my intensity, I really do spend a large part of my life in seeped in contentment.

And I wanted to share my views on guns, my troubled heart, Republicans, Israel, and assholes. I am fairly certain I would shock a few people more than once and not others.

Finally, I have found myself having some really significant ‘Come to Jesus moments.” That must be funny coming from a connected Jewish soul, but it is true.

Life is complicated and full of too many moving parts.

The bottom-line,, I will stick with writing and refrain from ever doing another Selfie Challenge. I will embrace the core of my being: I am a writer who was born to “live out loud”.

Hineini, Here I am!

Sending love, light, hope, and blessings. . . .I think we can all use some.

PS – I have one day left. . . I wonder what will emerge from my fingertips tomorrow.

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Blue jeans rock! I love them.

Some of the happiest moments of my life came when I realized that I could look good in blue jeans; by the same token, complete frustration engulfs me when I notice that my body shape can’t quite accommodate jeans.

I am a blue jeans baby; somewhere along the line blue jeans became my cocoon of sorts.  I love the way they feel on my legs, I love how durable they are, and I absolutely the way they look and feel after they have been well worn.  I also love the fact that you can wear them a few days in a row without them being grungy.

When my body holds extra weight, jeans really don’t feel great and they don’t look too good either.  The reality that jeans don’t feel good or look when I weigh too much is a bit frustrating and yet the thrill of putting jeans back on when my body is in better shape is amazing.

Blue jeans are a symbol of good health for me.  My goal is to wear jeans for the rest of my days.  Isn’t it silly that something so insignificant can take on such a huge place in my being?  This past week a woman who works in the same building as I do told me that it was time for me to go shopping.  She cracked me up when she asked me what size the pants were and then she told me to get pants that were at least 4 inches smaller.  Unfortunately, she was wrong, I needed to cut only 3 inches off my waist.  L  But that is still 7 inches from where I started 6 months ago.

With every ounce of my being, I want to be a healthy person in every way.  Currently, I am doing a lot of soul/spiritual work as I also try to eat more mindfully than I did before and make good physical decisions for my body.  Already this morning, I walked the dog while chanting for about 40 minutes or more, biked around my townhouse community for over an hour, and in now I am back from minutes I my yoga/pilates class.  Each and every thing that I have done so far today has contributed to me finding balance.  Even the writing that I am doing right now fuels my soul.

Just over 6 months ago, I started a physical journey towards becoming a healthier me.  I have not varied very many of the food choices I have made since beginning my journey.  I took soda out of my diet, but do drink plain seltzer.  I took caffeine out of my diet, but lately I have had No Doz when driving seems to challenging; and finally, I took myself off of sugar and other sweeteners and for the most part I still honor that.  I am not perfect, but I don’t eat cakes, ice cream; I sometimes allow myself bread, which is not the brightest of choices.  So it goes. Physically, I have actively and consciously changed my habits.  I am constantly moving.  I walk the dogs more frequently and for longer durations; yoga/Pilates have become a regular part of my week; today I started biking with hopes of biking at least 5 days a week.  I also make it a point to park far away from my destination.  My hope is that I keep moving and I live as the healthiest person I can.  There is really no alternative to taking care of myself.

Life sometimes tosses us some physical curve balls; I know this from personal experience.  So even more so, I have the responsibility to make the healthiest choices I can with my realities.  Today I am blessed with health; I am blessed with the physical ability to move, to make healthy food choices, and to spiritual reach for new levels of inner peace.  I have control, so with gratitude I will do everything I can in order to be the healthiest me that I can be.

Now back to the jeans.  For the last 6 months I have purchased the next size down as I reminder that I am working towards a goal.  I am in the midst of deciding whether it is prudent for me to continue this trajectory.  In a perfect world, I’d love to lose 5 more inches, but at 45 years old, it might not be possible.  Regardless of whether more inches melt away from my body or not, I am really happy with this moment.

The good news is that today, I can live as the BLUE JEANS BABY that I am.  So guess what I will wear tonight?  Tonight and as much as possible, I will proudly wear my blue jeans.

May blue jeans continue in my life for now and for always.

With blessings and light,

Chava

PS-I also love straight jean skirts, so feel free to give me shopping recommendations.

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