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Today is Day 16 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

~ ~ ~

As a child, I felt insignificant in a world that was never quite ready for me. I wasn’t cute enough or smart enough; I struggled to move physically or to connect socially; I was fat and awkward. Mostly I remember that no one understood me or what I needed.

Day 16BLater in life, I grew to understood that my lack of hearing and some possible neurological challenges impacted how I walked in the world. While I understand that there were some very real reasons for the way I moved, it left an open wound that still emerges every so often.

Looking back, I think I may have become a writer because it was the only way that I could be authentically me and communicate with ease. I so wanted to be heard and to be understood. Today, I still crave being seen, being heard, and being loved. Although I am grateful that I don’t feel quite so awkward any longer, I do have my moments when I feel ill equipped for where I am.  When this mood hits, the pain is reminiscent of my youth. Today was one of those days. I am grateful that tomorrow is a new day and that in most ways I am seen, heard, and loved.

I got this!!

Today I am sending love, light, and blessings ( & hoping that it reflect back to me.)

 

 

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Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom.  For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for me, it is a time to actively reflect on different middot (character traits) that will lead me to my own rebirth.

Middah (character trait) focus:  Listening

“Holy is the silence; holy is the sound.” ~Holly Shere

For as long as I can remember, I have been obsessed with both the spoken and unspoken words, music and silence between the notes.  Both sound and silence have impacted my world for good and for bad.

As a little girl, I was not blessed to hear like most other children.  while I don’t remember the details of my hearing journey, I do recall the first time I really heard sound.  The overwhelming emotion and pain was too much; I didn’t like the harshness that entered by quiet world at around 6 years old.  After that experience, I don’t believe it took me too long to learn to love music or the spoken word; I did struggle to handle some of the anger that was spoken in loud, infuriated voices.

Growing up, I learned to gauge how my day would move forward just by listening to what was going on around me.  Sound and silence both have enormous power to heal and to hurt you, to calm you or to trouble you.  One of the most important lessons I learned in life and that I am still learning today is that I don’t have to fill the space between the words or music with sound; silence can have it’s own innate beauty.

When I was a young girl, my father used to hold my ears between his hands; I loved the pressure and the warmth of those moments.  When my own children were young, my father would often hold them the same way and say, “Listen to the quiet.” As soon as, my father touched my children’s head, they would instantly smile and relax.  Perhaps we should all take time to ‘listen to the quiet’.

May each of us find holiness in both the silence and the sounds that surround us.

Holy is the silence; holy is the sound.

Holy is the silence; holy is the sound. ~Holly Shere

 

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