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Posts Tagged ‘gratitude’

A Letter to a Friend:

On several occasions you have questioned whether Facebook friends are really listening or whether you are being heard at all. You seemed to be wondering out loud whether Facebook is some sort of alternate reality.

You are not alone in wondering about the power or purpose of Facebook. Since joining Facebook in 2009, I have watched myself evolve in how I connect with the world in large part due to my interactions on this form of social media. We seem to be asking similar questions and perhaps coming to different assumptions.

fb

On a personal level, I have grown to love it!!! At nearly anytime Рday or night, I am surrounded by people that jazz my soul, inspire me to be a better person, nurture me when I am down, and/or support me when I need a kick in the tuchus (tush). And sometimes there is little or no real interaction; sometimes friends are just on the ride of life with me. The more direct I am, the more substantial  the help can be. Help has come in the form of information, resources, and/or supportive listening. My response to these interactions have helped me navigate into more healthy connections and out of friendships or connections that no longer serve me.
Facebook is not some sort of alternate reality. It is full of life (gifts and challenges), experiences, politics, information (true and false). People share what they are comfortable with sharing; this is no different than life in any other social realm. People share what they want you to hear and some are more authentic than others. This seems to be the reality whether on the phone with friends, at work, in synagogue or any house of prayer, at the park, or even the local grocery store.
When tough times hit, people can’t always help and don’t know what to say. The same can be said for all interactions.
Finding personal support for me seems to come mostly when I share what is going on and what I am doing about it. When I have been down for too long (which I have), the responses stop showing up with frequency. It doesn’t necessarily feel good, but each of us only have so much time in our lives to deal with our own crap let alone every one else’s crap. Sigh.
Politically, I have had to face that my strong opinions make people uncomfortable. And if someone is a really close friend, we learn to refrain from commenting on political posts or we accept the explosions that follow a ‘confrontation’. AND I have been known to end friendships or lose friendships when passions run deep. I love knowing where I stand with people even when it means that saying good-bye feels like the only option. I don’t have time to hang with people whose values I find troublesome.

I use Facebook to share all of the moving parts of how I walk in the world. I share poetry, sayings, politics, pain, joy, gratitude, and sometimes hell.

For me, Facebook has opened many doors to opportunities for learning, stretching, and connecting. While I love this tool, it is also one tool of many that I use in my life.

With love and light,
Chava

PS – Some examples of how Facebook has added to my life:

  1. Politically now, I have more information at my fingertips.
  2. Advice is always available for the asking!! And sometimes when not asked. ūüôā
  3. When I needed a job, opportunities surfaced.
  4. After I lost my job, friends from all parts of my life showed up to help; I am not sure how I would have survived if people didn’t come out of the woodwork.
  5. If I am sad or lonely, depressed or scared, there is always someone who shows up to comfort me.
  6. While many people have profoundly different views from me, there is always someone there to give me a different way of seeing things.
  7. Whenever I post a link to my blog, it gets read. ūüôā
  8. Whether I need a place to eat in Houston, a place to stay in Washington DC or a good book to read – Ask and I will end up with a ton of answers.
  9. I have found the best sayings just by lurking on Facebook. Did you know probably have over 70 pages of quotes that I have saved?
  10. AND so much more!!!!!!!

 

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‚ÄúTo be alive‚ĒÄ‚ĒÄis Power.‚Ä̬†
~Emily Dickinson

Life doesn’t always work out as expected; there are times when all of us feel railroaded.¬†

For the most part,¬†I find that the¬†best¬†way for me to ride the waves of life, the tumultuous storms, is with a sense of optimism that has the ability to light up any room. Wouldn’t it be lovely if that was always the way ‘it’ worked out?

Over the last few days, I have been triggered by some shadows that are leaving me painfully reflective. While the triggers hurt deeply, I always know that after the moment or moments pass, the sun will shine down on me again.

beautiful blue skies

Tonight, I am allowing myself to breathe into the realities of my life, to feel the raw emotions instead of ignoring them, and to take an evening off of engaging with the world. I am allowing myself the time to live inside my heart without apology.

Transition is often challenging,¬†even when it is¬†ultimately for good. ¬†There is a vibration¬†of vulnerability and excitement, fear and gratitude, playing off of each other. As much as we think we are moving through our transitions alone, we aren’t. There is a village surrounding us, friends and loved ones that are in our court. And in my case, I have my sons that are hanging on for the ride. The biggest challenge of the last two years has been really¬†rough¬†for my guys.

The cost for my younger son, Dovi, was great. The good news is that today I have a strong sense that he is now turning the corner and making conscious decisions to emerge from his darkness. YAY!!! My older son, Aryeh, had to give up a lot in order to help keep our family thriving.  I will always feel enormous gratitude for his perseverance. I am not sure that Dovi and I would have made it without him. Aryeh not only kept us eating healthy meals, he also gave his earnings so that our family could function.  There were so many days that I could have curled up into a ball, but why?

While life hasn’t always given me what I have hoped for, it has given me a spirit to soar and feet to land. I am OK and so is my family!! All of us keep growing and stretching our souls. How beautiful is that!

Most of us can probably relate to the sensation of traveling on a roller coaster.  As we suddenly get thrown downward, we find ourselves screaming or crying out in fear.  And then after the fear passes, we feel a sense of exhilaration as we begin to take the next curve.

A few¬†months ago, I learned that some of the leadership of the congregation I loved so deeply did not believe that my son was as ill as he was. While my son almost died and fought for life, there were those that didn’t understand the extent of his illness and the unimaginable realities of his healing. Really?!?!?!?! YET we were NEVER alone,¬†there were so many others that stepped up to the plate and stood with us every step of the way.¬†

Learning the above made the ending¬†of my marriage a little over a month ago even rougher.¬†While it was a long time coming, there is no joy in this ending. I thought our connection would last forever, but life didn’t work out that way.

With this period of¬†deep reflection. I am striving to find peace within the storms of my mind. Life didn’t give me what I expect, but it gave me the fortitude to thrive!

This is my time to explore all of the relationships in my life and to better examine what I want for the next half of my life. How do I want to live? What do I want to do with my time? How will I honor the world I live in? Can I better take care of myself and my sons? Will I ever truly be enough? Can I do what it takes to thrive in the world? Will I ever make a difference and have a lasting effect?

The answers to these questions don’t really matter. ¬†What matters is that I know that no matter what happens, I know that, for me (and hopefully my sons), the sun always returns.

I/We got this!

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i miss the loving energy that once fueled my soul
i know that tonight is a moment. . .
the sun will shine tomorrow
the blessing is that i always find my way

Life is messy. With the many moving parts, gifts and complications exist at every turn. No matter how good things appear on the outside, my inside is full and always have been.  Mostly I navigate and find light, but sometimes darkness permeates my being.

I struggle with some of life’s realities. My car needs another $900 of work; I never have enough time to nurture my creative spirit; I am not sure how I will afford this month or next; the world is full of so much hatred.

At the same time, I have the most amazing Monday Morning Torah Study Chavurah (group); my family is healthy; I have recently lost 26 lbs by better taking care of myself; my friends are the most amazing people in the world; writing jazzes my soul; my new position reminds me that I make a difference to others as a Jewish Educator.  There is so much to be grateful for.

Finding balance can be so hard. Yet this morning, after I took a deep breath, I realized no matter how difficult my life¬†can feel, I have¬†most of what¬†I need. And the things that I think I need. . . probably aren’t needs.

There are so many people that need more than they have. A mattress on the floor would be better than the ground they have to rest their head on each night.  Being a vegetarian is a choice I have made; there are many people that would be blessed to have a morsel of food or a clean glass of water. While I am missing the changing leaves, the Tucson skies, and the ocean, I am living in a city that offers walking paths and playgrounds in nearly every area. My world really is quite amazing.

In order to go inward and celebrate the life I have, I am slowly allowing myself¬†to go to a more silent place. ¬†The more I voice my ‘third world problems’, the larger the challenges seem to loom. I want to be a little more quiet and allow for the gratitude to flow through me. ¬†I am surrounded by love, by beauty, and loving souls.

With love, light, and blessings,
Chava
Listen to the Silence

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Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom. For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for others, it is a tool for exploring the kabbalistic teachings in an organized way. For me, it is a time to actively reflect on my Journey Towards Wholeness. The more I am whole, the more free I will become.  [http://t.co/dBPYjDxSGj . . . .]

Louisa - late winter 2015

Lake Louisa – late winter 2015

I Love Hummus AND Life is Awesome TOO!

Life is a long and winding road.

Living in a place of gratitude makes living a lot easier; it sure beats only focusing on the tough stuff.¬†I am very aware of the tough stuff that happens both around me and in the larger world.¬†Even with life’s difficulties, I choose to celebrate the life I am living. ¬†I am SMILING!! I AM HAPPY!!!!

Today, I am celebrating:
A. New home in Houston
B. Blog follower in Swaziland
C. International Hummus Day
D. Vatican to Recognize Palestinian State in New Treaty
E. Focused and productive morning
F. My sons hid the peanut butter from ME!
G. Networking with Colleagues
H. SO MUCH MORE. . . .
I.  ALL OF THE ABOVE

Today has been amazing!

From the moment I woke up I felt productive and content. The day started with my work flowing in fabulous ways. I couldn’t believe that I was feeling so accomplished. And then moments after I showed incredible restraint and kindness when I really could have acted differently, I received the information I have been waiting to hear! We found out we have a house and can now ‘officially’ move to Houston.

And then I tripped over the best news in the world. . . .Today is International Hummus Day!!! I love hummus. ¬†So much so that my family named one of our most precious dogs Chumi, short for hummus. ¬†(OK- all of our furry creatures are precious.) Unfortunately, just as my sons¬†were going to make me a fresh batch of hummus, I got a belly virus that my son Aryeh had a few days ago. Sigh. ¬†Still, I am so thrilled that one of my favorite foods has a day of her own!!! YES!!! I will wait for a few days before I eat hummus, but I am patient. ¬†ūüôā

Every step of my day has been beautiful. Even when I needed to spend $268 on my car, my mechanic saved me from spending a ton more on a hitch could have lead to blowing out my transmission if I hauled a big U-HAUL. So, life really is good!

Today included networking opportunities with colleagues, loving exchanges with friends, and took a long walk with my son.

So while I could be lamenting about bills, a belly ache, or the state of politics everywhere, I choose to note them, consider them, and allow the good of my days to flow. I am always considering the plight of so much in the world, but that doesn’t mean I can choose to make the best of my life.

In My Journey Towards Wholeness, I want to remember that I am living on a long and winding road, may I see the light and remember to find the moments worthy of gratitude.

With love, light, and blessings,
Chava

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Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom. For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for others, it is a tool for exploring the kabbalistic teachings in an organized way. For me, it is a time to actively reflect on my Journey Towards Wholeness. The more I am whole, the more free I will become.  [http://t.co/dBPYjDxSGj . . . .]

Photo Courtesy of Randall Miller: Western Minnesota

Photo Courtesy of Randall Miller:
Western Minnesota

When I think of being whole, I keep wondering if it is time for me to eat more consciously.  What if I just started with three ideas?

  1. Saying blessings before and after each chow time.

    Blessings before eating: When we say traditional blessings before we eat, we are noting how each bit was provided for us.  Did it grow on a tree or in the ground? Was it a baked good or hardy drink? There are a few other blessings, but the key here is that we can take note of what we are eating and how it was created.

    Blessings after eating: These blessings are a way to give gratitude to the God, the universe, or perhaps you are simply taking a moment to acknowledge how fortunate you are to have food in this moment.

  2. Being fully present with each and every bite. Can you imagine putting your phone down, closing your computer, or not trying to multitask while eating? As someone who has a choking disorder, I am often aware that if I would focus on each bite and not on talking while eating, I would avoid seriously challenging moments. ¬†But even without a choking disorder, most of us could enjoy the tastes, textures, and looks of the food so much more if we weren’t eating without being focused elsewhere.
  3. Eating foods that are better for your body. My goal here is to invite you to pay attention to the foods you are putting to your lips. Most of us know that there are foods that taste good, but aren’t good for our digestive systems or maybe our waistlines. Sometimes we eat foods that we love the taste of, but may cause us to feel bloated. Why eat things that are not good for our bodies? Just wondering out loud. (Over the coming days, I will become more specific with this.)

Let’s face it, food is a central part of our lives. Our lives can be healthier just for managing our eating choices better. ¬†There is lots to consider before we eat. What we are eating? How we are eating? When we are eating?

May each of us find more meaningful ways to engage in eating.

With love, light, and blessings,
Chava

Oranges anyone?

Oranges anyone?

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The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
~Rumi

December Sunset

Life this year has been daunting and sometimes scary.  At times I have have lived in fear of reality.  How would I feed my family? What happens if any of us get sick? Will I become another homeless statistic?  What about my dogs? I rescued them from a possible death sentence РWhat if I had to put them down because I could not find a home for them?

Due to the loss of my income as a Jewish Education Director in the southwest, I became a statistic. ¬†The congregation that moved me from the east coast to the southwest laid me off after only two years because they lost a large chunk of their membership unexpectedly. ¬†With barely a moment to tread and reality what it was, I had to take my shattered being and find the sparks of light that have always surrounded me. ¬†I really had no time to lick my wounds. ¬†As in the forward to Amanda Palmer’s¬†The Art of Asking,¬†Bren√© Brown¬†wrote, “I¬†have learned that the best way to find light in the darkness is not by pushing people away but by falling straight into them.”

I fell and friends caught me.

Each and every time I did reach out, people held their hands wide open to receive me and ultimately offered help. ¬†One distant friend offered to help me edit my resume since I was having a formatting issue. ¬†Other friends told me of potential jobs or found me part time jobs¬†so that I would¬†be able to stay afloat. ¬†Some friends reminded me that the guys and I could move in with them if we needed to. ¬†In fact, I am now living in my friend’s vacation house. ¬†And ultimately, I created a Go Fund Me account,¬†http://www.gofundme.com/g8o220, I asked for help to move back east and sustain myself until I can land on my feet. And at every step of the way, my friends have be willing to listen to me as I navigated my various emotions. ¬†I may still be struggling, but I am absolutely¬†OK.

Each and every time, I started to fall, my friends never hesitated to catch me.

Through my misfortune, I was able find out what types of people were part of my life AND I am so grateful for what I found. ¬†My situation forced me to¬†open up and learn how to receive many gifts in whatever form they¬†took. ¬†Not only do I now realize how loved I am or maybe just cared for, I also have a greater understanding of what it means¬†to trust. ¬†Amanda Palmer said it beautifully when she said that, “Asking¬†is an act of intimacy and trust.” ¬†I used my blogging and Facebook to share my journey. ¬†I was and continue to be transparent, but I chose to refrain from being openly dark about the institution that caused this situation. ¬†I believe that I needed to honor the wisdom of Stephen Covey by ‘begin(ning) with the end in mind’ which is to say. ¬†If I wanted to live in a place of light, I had to be that light. ¬†And with all that, I have been touched by the tremendous results ¬†from love, a touch, a meal, and even small and large monetary donations. ¬†I now believe that with each gift, people have told me that they believe in me and that they see my struggle. ¬†Everyone wants to see my family thrive.

One of life’s backdrops is that as a little girl, I often lived in fear of homelessness and violence. ¬†There were few people that I trusted or should have trusted; there were some, but not a lot. ¬†I sometimes wonder how I became the person I am. ¬†Today, I can not imagine how my world could have been so broken, but it was. ¬†And now look at the beauty that surrounds me even during the toughest of times.

Over the coming weeks, I want to take the light of this holiday season¬†and grow¬†it by sharing stories of how sparks of light can be found even the darkest holes. ¬†If you’d like to be a guest blogger and to share a story on my blog or tell me¬†a story that I can write, please let me know.

So, in the meantime, if you hear of a job that would allow me the opportunity to make a difference for good or a job that would simply pay my bills and give us health insurance, let me know.  And I will continue to do what I do. . .find and create light wherever I go.

Your light makes a difference.

With blessings, light, and love,
Chava

 

 

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Life has been hard. Very hard. And yet. . . .

Photo courtesy of Janie Grackin Did you notice the butterfly? :)

Photo courtesy of Janie Grackin
Did you notice the butterfly? ūüôā

I am blessed that there are so few moments when darkness doesn’t allow me to see clearly.

Today I feel warmth from the amazing sparks that could easily burst into a flame.  There are so many gifts that surround me at any given moment.  And yes, there is also deep pain that is part of my life and part of the lives of so many people that I love.  But for now, I want to focus on the gifts.

My sons:

  • Today Aryeh and Dovi¬†went biking together for the first time in forever!!!! Now that may seem silly because they are 21 and 17 years old; yet for so many reasons, it really is quite amazing.
  • AND Dovi has asked for shorts so that he can be more comfortable biking; he hasn’t worn shorts in nearly 10 years. ¬†Now this is a shehecheyanu moment (a blessing that is recited when you do something for the first time in a long time or ever).
  • Dovi decided to excel in math and that is exactly what he is doing!
  • This week, we have had some incredibly sweet moments as a family.
  • Aryeh continues to amaze me in the way he takes care of everyone in the family; he is truly growing into a man! Wow.

Friends:

  • I love how my friends reach out and are totally present for me. ¬†As I type, one group of friends is trying to find ways to help me thrive emotionally; they are working towards creating options for me to make it through a challenging period of time.
  • A few different friends have found ways for me to support myself after losing my livelihood. Yay!
  • One friend just embroidered a bath-sheet with my name on it!!!! She even used my favorite colors. ¬†I can’t wait to see it and use it! ¬†(If you are curious, I love sage and lavender. . . but in truth all shades of purple are awesome.)
  • A couple of friends have given me great gifts when I wasn’t sure how I would move forward.
  • I am held by some profoundly loving souls.

Taking care of me:

  • I found a care-giving position that is giving me more normal hours so that I don’t have to work all-nighters.
  • I am on Day 8 of not drinking any sodas!!!!!
  • I am getting more hours of sleep than I had been getting previously; this week I have gone to sleep by 10 PM nearly every night.
  • I am taking time to write.
  • My blog reached 30,000 viewers today. ¬†Sometimes I even hear that my writing is inspiring those that take time to read my writings. YAY! ¬†I so love sharing my inner thoughts through writing.
  • I spoke with one of my closest friends this week after a too long hiatus.

Insights for the week

  • Omm backwards is Moo. (Thanks Dietz Family)
  • My intuition keeps getting stronger and stronger; I love that I am learning to actively listen and respond to my gut.
  • Finding answers to questions is not always so simple. . . .Never ask your friends what is better a Vitamix vs.¬†Blendtec OR Nutri-Bullet vs. Ninja. ūüôā Can you tell my blender is dying and I am into making green smoothies?
  • Everyone has a different perspective about the practices of the High Holy Days. ¬†I am thinking next year I may create my own practice and share with those that are interested.
  • Words have meaning and attitude; just when you think something makes sense, you learn it doesn’t.

I love that I can always find light even when I am walking down a dark alley.  Hoping the same for you too!

With love, light, & blessings
Chava

 

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