Blogging is what I do. I love writing and sharing my heart, my mind, and my soul.
If this is your first time reading this series of my blog, please take a moment and read the introduction Elul Journey: A New Year Is Emerging – 5775 Introduction http://t.co/Y6vmXdO6GJ
This is what it takes to create a spiritual home wherever you go.
Reflection
Over the past 4 days, since Rosh Hodesh Elul (the beginning of the Jewish month of Elul), I have been actively preparing for Rosh HaShana and loving every moment of it. And then suddenly this morning as I sang some of the verses from Psalm 27*, I felt a bit bereft because for the first time in my life, I do not feel like I have a spiritual home. As a professional Jew, I have previously had communities that were easier for me to be a part of spiritually, but I have rarely felt uncomfortable in a community I have worked. Only one time, I heard a rabbi give a sermon on Yom Kippur in which he said that Tisha B’Av should be disregarded. It was the one and only time I almost walked out of High Holy Day services with my family.
Judaism is a part of my essence. I love how it fits into my life, pushes me to think, and creates a cocoon where I can live.
I am a God-Wrestler. I question, I pray, I hope, I vision and I wrestle. And on the days that I don’t quite know how God fits into my practice of Judaism, I let go and trust the universe. And throughout it all, I try to live a life of Godliness. Every place I walk is a sanctuary, so why in this moment should I feel like I have no spiritual home. The mountains and the desert are seriously my sanctuary. I love the earth; I love so many special spaces that exude God-like energy. I used to have a yoga studio that felt like God’s sanctuary. Today, there is no space that is calling me for the Rosh HaShanah, yet I have to take my kids to services for the High Holy Days.
And did I say, I literally have no money for the holidays or for much? What a concept for me. The good news is that my old ‘congregation’ of employment wouldn’t turn me a way and I believe other congregations would open their doors too, but still it is sad for me. I believe that if I weren’t a mother, I would choose to create a spiritual space by myself or with a few others. I love Judaism and I love living it!
So as I take each day of Elul to create a stronger physical and spiritual core, I am grappling with feeling like I have no place to go. And yet, in reality, I know that my sons and I will feel comfortable wherever we go. Tucson is full of loving synagogue communities. Can’t wait to hear the shofar blown as I sit within community.
Feeling blessed even as I struggle with some challenging realities. The sun and moon always shine brightly in the desert.
With blessings & light,
Chava
*From Rosh Hodesh Elul through Simchat Torah, it is part of the Jewish tradition to say Psalm 27 two times a day. Here is a link to the Psalm in Hebrew and English. http://www.mechon-mamre.org/p/pt/pt2627.htm
