Posts Tagged ‘exploring’

These feet travel through many doorways.

Not all who wander are lost.  J. R. R. Tolkien

I love life.  With each step I find myself exploring, digging deeply to strengthen my already solid foundation.  I am a seeker who walks through the world with a core intensity.  I am real.

With all of these realities lurking in the background, I truly value who I am.  Exploring leads to new understandings.  While I feel like I am constantly finding a lost part of myself, I never feel lost.   With each step I take through new doorways, I seem to feel more complete.

Below are some of the doorways or passages that are part of my daily trek.  I seem to thrive on analyzing life’s complexities and growing with each realization.

To writing:

I write for the same reason I breathe – because if I didn’t, I would die. ~Isaac Asimo

“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”
~ Joan Didion

For these reasons and more I write.  Simple.  The more writing I do, the more balanced I am.  When writing is part of my daily practice I can move through ever doorway with a stronger sense of calm and in a more conscious way.  Writing helps me to walk through the world.

To Loving Connections 

Moving to Tucson was hard.  I love my friends; I miss my friends desperately.  And the good news is that I am making new friends.  And some of those friendships are becoming nurturing and fun, a nice balance.

Yesterday, I found myself vulnerable for a little while; the vulnerable scared me because for a few long moments I felt alone.  So I chanted the words Patach Libi, Open My Heart.  The more I chanted these words, the less alone I felt.  As my day progressed, I received a couple of texts and emails from friends.  By opening my heart and allowing the gifts of friendship to touch me, I was able to lose some of the layers of vulnerability.

And throughout the day, people kept reaching out.  New friends and old friends were with me.  By opening my heart to the friendships that surrounded me, I was able to move through another metaphoric doorway and to feel connected to those I love and to those I do feel a connection.

To Health

I am on another health journey. I am walking more, moving more, and seeing a wonderful homeopath who is unlocking some of my stagnant energy as she helps me become a healthier me.  I also chant more and actively seek spiritual opportunities through my movement.  Living in Tucson has connected me with the land more than ever before.  Wow, let’s talk about a spiritual connection.

My hope is to work on my spiritual and physical health simultaneously.   The most beautiful example of this for me is when I go walking or hiking in the beauty of the southwest; with each step there is a chant whether I voice it or not.

To Balance/Consciousness

My hope is that I continuously make choices that align with my values.  Where do I shop? What do I eat? Do I think about the packaging of the things I buy? What about my carbon footprint? Do I actively engage in navigating the political circles within the US and Israel? Am I kind to strangers? How do I treat those that work with me?  Do I smile and laugh?  Do I help those in need?

I hope I do all of these things and more.  In truth, I am a work in progress.

Living consciously with my values makes a difference; finding balance comes from honoring my values and trying to make the world a better place.

To Gratitude:

Gratitude is what happens when you feel grateful for the small things instead of fixating on the challenges. Today had moments when I forgot to find gratitude, but fortunately I was surrounded with reminders to keep me in line!
How I walk through life?

Challenges are always opportunities. Embers or sparks of light can be ignited even in the darkest of moments.  Doorways represent possibilities, opportunities, hope.  Each time I go through a new doorway, take a new journey, or climb up or down a new mountain, I am stretching myself and growing as an individual.

May each of choose to live with integrity by consciously moving through each and every doorway within our lives.


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Coming to Tucson was bold for me, perhaps even crazy.

With each day I am finding out more about myself.  Some things I like; some things I like less.  Mostly I am learning to acknowledge that life as I knew it is different, not necessarily better or worse, just different.  I am also learning to accept the dichotomies of each and every reality.

My goal in coming here was to be the best educator I can be; I want to soar and to bring light to my work.  I also want to improve my writing and nurture my creative soul.  My art, my writing, my healing work. . . .over the coming years I want to soar in every way.  Mostly, I want to create a place that I can call home.  I crave a spiritual sanctuary and a way of life that inspires me.

Each morning, I wake up grateful and aware of that I am in a time of rebirthing.  As my eyes open, I find myself acknowledging that while I am a very strong woman, I am also more vulnerable than I have ever been in my adult life.  I have little support and too much to do! My friends are too far away, but I am making friends nearly every day.  I travel the roads around Tucson, but I am having trouble navigating out of the city; everything I do is in Tucson and my soul yearns to be out of the city.

And then there is the fabulous house I am renting.  Wow. . .I am really lucky and yet I am so ill equipped for taking care of it.  Somehow the dishes get done, the laundry too. . . but the floors, the garden always seem to wait.  With each day, I am learning how to manage and I am looking forward to 8 -10 months from now when I can find a smaller home or maybe even dream of buying a home (probably not for awhile longer).

The desert landscape makes me want to cry each and every day.  “How great is your work, oh God, how very deep are your thoughts!” Psalm 92:6.  When I look to the mountains, I know I am home; for now I am finding myself and creating a new foundation.  Today I worked in my yard; I have so much to learn.  And with each action I am doing, I am finding myself calm and centered.  Raking and mowing, weeding and pruning are so profoundly meditative.  I can’t believe I like it, but I wish I wasn’t such a novice.

The one thing that blows me away is the amount of water I am drinking.  I sure do seem to need the hydration.  In my imagination, I believe that I am cleansing my soul and my body with each class of water.  The cleansing sure does feel good.

Yesterday, I took a hike or should I say a stroll that left me lost in many ways.  For those that worry about my free spirit nature, I wasn’t alone this time.  But I was out of shape and ill equipped for a gentle hike at a higher altitude than I have been in a while.  I should be celebrating my life, my health, but instead I am bummed that I am not as healthy nor vibrant as I want to be.  I am trying to keep perspective, I know that I have lost over 60 lbs and managed to keep it off for a year or so.  I also know that I have more to go and I am starting to do it.  The sadness at my lack of physical stamina is intense.  Did I ever really run every day? How could I let my body go? How can I live with the realities of health challenges that made me sedentary?  I want to be vibrant; I want to reach my 50s as a healthy and vibrant soul, but I wonder if it is possible.  Tomorrow I will head out to the mountain alone; this time I will move slowly and breathe deeply.  I will chant and keep moving; I will push myself with each step.

With each breath, I am seeking a stronger foundation; I am yearning to find solid ground and to grow the person I want to be.  As I sit here in the holy month of Elul, I realize that I have made so some mistakes in my life, yet I am striving to surpass them and be a better mother, a friend, and a person.  I want to be the best me that I can be. I always want to be the best that I can be. This is great time of year for appreciating soul reflection.

May each of us explore ourselves as we navigate where we are.

With love, light, and blessings, Chava

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