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Today is Day 16 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

~ ~ ~

As a child, I felt insignificant in a world that was never quite ready for me. I wasn’t cute enough or smart enough; I struggled to move physically or to connect socially; I was fat and awkward. Mostly I remember that no one understood me or what I needed.

Day 16BLater in life, I grew to understood that my lack of hearing and some possible neurological challenges impacted how I walked in the world. While I understand that there were some very real reasons for the way I moved, it left an open wound that still emerges every so often.

Looking back, I think I may have become a writer because it was the only way that I could be authentically me and communicate with ease. I so wanted to be heard and to be understood. Today, I still crave being seen, being heard, and being loved. Although I am grateful that I don’t feel quite so awkward any longer, I do have my moments when I feel ill equipped for where I am.  When this mood hits, the pain is reminiscent of my youth. Today was one of those days. I am grateful that tomorrow is a new day and that in most ways I am seen, heard, and loved.

I got this!!

Today I am sending love, light, and blessings ( & hoping that it reflect back to me.)

 

 

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Take care of you and your spirit,
Take care of your loved ones and your beloved work,
Laugh out loud and smile often,
And always reach for what you really want – if not now, when. . .

Pantano Wash, Tucson Arizona

Pantano Wash, Tucson Arizona

This morning, I awoke to a trembling sensation in my gut, an overwhelming realization that I am inadequate as a human being. I do not believe I am alone in this realization.  This time of year, we are called to reflect on where we are and where we need to go.

I know that I am not really inadequate, but I also know that I have yet to do enough, to be enough, or to honor myself enough. I live on a fence, I have one foot reaching for the progressive world as one arm has never let go of the traditional world.  And my other limbs dangle near unknown terrain at any given moment.  How I interpret life’s journey is neither one way or another.

In my awareness, I find myself seeking the wisdom, the discernment, and the passion to be honest with where I am.  Ridiculously, I note that self-compassion never seems to be a part of my journey.

On Rosh HaShana, our liturgy says, “Who will live and who will die”.  This is the phrase that startled me awake this morning. In the most significant prayer of our Rosh HaShana liturgy, we recite Unetaneh TokefLet Us Cede Power.  My modern soul has no way of processing it and my progressive soul realizes that there is always room for growth. This prayer literally takes my breath away and empowers me to breathe deeply at the same time.

With less than a week before the new year, I pray that I am worthy of life and that I always live life to the fullest.

May I remember to live my passion and have compassion.
May I be the change I want to see in the world
and accept the things I can not change.
May I climb mountains and take time to coast.
May I be the best me that I can be.

With love, light, and blessings,
Chava

 

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