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Posts Tagged ‘Emile Zola’

Don’t we all have to wear masks sometime?

Professionally, I may wear a mask every now and then. Most of the time, I am actually ok with that. In a world that I work for others and with others, I think it is wise to be willing to honor a community and work environment by stepping aside. As long as I work for others, I have to meet people  where they are with a willingness to step back. Perhaps that is what it means to function fully in the world.

Day 5

For Photo Day 5 Selfie:          7 February 2018

And yet. . . .

Being direct and authentic comes at a cost. Not everyone is comfortable with how I walk in the world. With that knowledge lurking, I do have to find ways to navigate. Aren’t we all always navigating?

My personal motto is guided by the words of Émile Zola:

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world,
I, an artist, will answer you: 
I am here to live out loud.”

May I find the balance to live out loud, be myself, and toss aside the masks – all while living consciously and thoughtfully in the world.

Looks like I have work to do!

Sending love, light, & blessings. . . .

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Life is amazing and full. AND with that fullness comes gifts and challenges.

Over the years, I have chosen to follow my calling which was originally coined by Émile Zola:

Sonia's Sunflowers

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world,
I, an artist, will answer you:
I am here to live out loud.”

Literally. I embrace life openly and share my full spirit when possible. This means that when someone asks me how I am, I answer. It also means that when I want to share on social media, I do that too.

Hiding behind a shadow of my making is something I gave up doing long ago.  That doesn’t mean that when I am at the grocery store or at work that I spill my guts, but it does mean that I am open to being authentic when I am on my own time.

This disposition creates fascinating exchanges for those that walk through life with preconceived notions of who I am or who I should be. My transparency and intensity often confound those that hold me to expectations of their making or simply don’t understand how I walk in the world.

And yet for people to fully know me, they need to listen to this verse from John Legend’s song, All of Me:

‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you.

These words may be the words of one lover expressing his love, but they are also the words of all healthy connections. When we engage fully in relationships, we have see the realities of the person in front of us and they see our core being if their eyes are wide open.

Life is messy and beautiful. Being real means that in every closet there are skeletons. They may not all be dramatic, but they are there.  There are sweet moments of sunshine and harsh moments of rain. There are moments of health and moments of illness. There are your opinions and my opinions. The question is how do we as friends and acquaintances choose to navigate each individual in our lives.

In my transparency, I share my thoughts and my soul work in my writing and on social media.  My heart and spirit are open whenever I feel comfortable sharing. In return, people receive what I share through their eyes.  And I love how in any moment, I can hear completely diverse insights into how I am perceived. Examples include:

  • “You are always so happy. I love your posts on Facebook.”
  • “I know you’ve had some ups and downs and I hope you are doing better.”
  • “Looks like you have had a lot on your plate. Are you doing ok?”

On any given day, I can hear variations of each of the above comments. In truth, I love that people care enough to reach out and I often wonder if people are really able to see the world outside of their own tunnel vision.  Yet regardless of where people are coming from, I love that people embrace and sometimes wrestle with how I show up.

Shouldn’t we all try to see those in our world for the people they are instead of who we think they should be?

What I have learned from how people both get excited or struggle with what I share is that it is my job to really listen what people are bringing to our conversation or what they are posting on Facebook.

Yes, my life is full and I feel deeply, but I am also hanging on for the ride of my life and embracing life with open arms.

ASK & I WILL TOO
If you really want to know who I am, what I think, and how I am feeling – Ask. . .don’t assume. AND if I want to know anything about you, I will ask you and not assume.

Beautiful relationships come when we are open to sharing the fullness of who we are and when we open our arms to the fullness of whoever is in front of us at any given moment.

Looking forward to getting to know you better!

Onward with love, light, & blessings,
Chava

PS: YES – LIFE IS REALLY FULL RIGHT NOW! 🙂

  1. Door l’Door is thriving
  2. Loving my work
  3. Aryeh and Dovi . . . .
  4. Writing a ton
  5. Finances are tight
  6. Engaging in my health journey (again)
  7. Simplifying daily
  8. Emerging from some darkness
  9. Navigating connections
  10. and, and, and

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December 2016 - looking out into water

(Note: If this is your first time you are stepping into my Elul Reflections 5777, please read the Introduction to this series at http://wp.me/pthnB-2NA)

~ ~ ~

If you are someone who is in my inner circle, at any moment, you might see tears flowing and watch me bounce between being despondent and laughing at the notion that I could feel that way. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. But I process life and my innermost thoughts as the writer that I am. I take the time to weave each letter, each word, and each sentence until I am able to find answers to both questions known and unknown. I am a weaver of words

There are days when I feel silenced by my own inner critic and sometimes the voices of those around me.  Silencing the  critics is nearly impossible. At every given moment, there are so many voices racing through my head.

“You are so limited!”

“You call yourself a writer?”

“Look at yourself. . .”

“Did you really say that?”

My guess is that I am not alone and yet I feel alone. In the inner confines of my mind, there is no one to save me, but myself. It’s time for me to become one with myself and to write with that voice.

Perhaps it is a leap of faith that I need to take; perhaps it is simply that I need to trust myself and the universe too. I’ve been blessed with a net that appears when my heart is racing so quickly that I can’t catch my breath. My beloved village simply shows up and holds me up until I can stand on my own.

Now it is time for me to trust that that same village will hold me tight as I share my soul and reach for the next chapters of my life.

~ ~ ~

Over the last months, I have realized that MAGiC is my absolute favorite word. I believe in the power of magic and my ability to make magic happen. Have you ever noticed how beautiful moments and creations feel magical? Awe is a part of life AND magic will always be a part of awe. Don’t we all want to be surrounded by awe?

Making life work with all of her moving parts takes magic. The more I trust and work with the magic, the more authentic I am. And living authentically may be one of my strongest desires. Yet living authentically and trusting the magic is complicated and it makes me feel so very vulnerable.

 

Some of those voices are so f*cking loud! All of those voices have been spoken at one time or another, some by friends, some by respected teachers, some by loved ones (including myself), and some by strangers.

With these voices challenging me, I have decided that this is the season to plow through these voices and begin to shower the world with my most authentic self.

I know that how I am received is rarely about me, it is about how people choose to interpret my transparency or my spirit. With that in mind, I have already started sharing my evening doodles and over time I hope to share my voice with all of the moving parts that make me who I am:

PASSIONATE
COMPLICATED
INTENSE
SPIRITUAL
CREATIVE
VULNERABLE
EMPOWERED
CONSCIOUS
SENSITIVE
INTUITIVE
PLAYFUL
&
BEAUTIFUL
(inside and out)

Comfort-ZoneThe good news is that as I choose to live more consciously and authentically, the more I am guided by Emile Zola’s  sage advice to “live out loud”.

With all of the voices in my head, this isn’t necessarily easy.  Yet I am doing the work!!! Because if I don’t, I will never thrive as I aspire to. I can’t let my own vulnerability take over my life; I am too good for that!

Breathing deeply, I am learning to trust that when I trust the universe and leave my comfort zone. Only when I do will the magic unfold.

May we all find our own way to trust the universe and the journey that is ingrained in our soul.

Sending love and light,
Chava

 

 

 

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“If you ask me what I came into this life to do,
I will tell you: I came to live out loud.”
Quote by Émile Zola

Twenty years ago, this saying became an unspoken mantra. A part of me believes that finding this quote empowered me find my voice as woman,  a mother, a friend, a teacher, and mostly as a creative soul that needed to be heard.

Before that time, silence seemed to permeate the core of my being.  And then one day, I woke up and I found a little more of my voice. I learned to write after a very long and painful hiatus. A local magazine wanted to publish the story of our son Dovi’s miraculous adoption. Somehow I found the courage to speak up and let the publisher/editor know that I was the one who needed to write this story; she loved the idea and with that I found my first and most gentle editor. Eventually that story was picked up by a couple of other magazines.

Finding my voice was a long but beautiful journey. With each step, I felt like a butterfly opening to the world with a sense of awe. I literally fluttered from flower to flower. Each flower gave me just a little more nectar to fuel the journey towards self.

And then in 2002, I took a giant leap of faith and left the cocoon of the Orthodox world that I had lived for nearly fifteen years. The journey was lonely and overwhelming. I lost close friends in that transition or should I say transformation? But I did it!!! I listened to the voice that nudged me to create a new life for myself (and eventually my family) and to find a new home for my spirit to rest. It didn’t go far; I found a home in a progressive Jewish community that nurtured my spirit and grounded me in tradition while allowing my creative energy to flourish.

As time progressed, I started to stretch in other ways too. I started thriving as an educator, a blogger, an artist, a chanter, a storyteller, a drummer, a mother, and today as an activist or maybe just a human being. The more I grow the more my spirit yearns to expand my roots as I also reach into the universe that surrounds me.

Now that I have my voice, I embrace all of life with more passion. When I am happy I sing out loud regardless of who is close by; when I feel the need to write, I stop what I am doing and I write; when a picture comes into my head I doodle it. The more doors open, the more ready I am to receive the gifts that continue to flow through me.

A raw intensity has taken over the quiet person that once lived in my body.  My soul gravitates towards life. I am alive and I crave this aliveness that emanates from all life forces.

Sun rise New Zealand May 5 Jai-Jagdeesh

Photo Courtesy of Jai-Jagdeesh via Instagram: jaijagdeesh

This New Zealand sunrise by my “social media friend” left me with tears in my eyes. I found Jai-Jagdeesh through her music, but today I have fallen love with her words, her wisdom, her photos. My hope is that one day have the opportunity to experience Kundalini Yoga with her as my teacher. (Of course, I may have to wait until I complete my healing journey from back surgery.) When I hear her, I feel a fire igniting me towards  self-care and tikun olam (repairing the world).

Meanwhile a heartfelt hug reminds me that the void of love I experienced as a child is no longer with me. When any of my nieces or nephews say “I love you” even though I haven’t seen the since they were little. . .I melt inside, but feel immense gratitude that my beloved brother and sister-in-law have kept me alive in their eyes.

Nothing in my world is taken for granted.

The more authentic and grounded I become, the I am able to “live out loud” and to love.

Always Healing

Picture by Chava

Today, I openly love with ever fiber of my being.  I often wonder if I take in the world on a cellular level. When I allow myself to breathe deeply, I find myself connecting with all that I see, touch, hear, smell, and taste. All of my senses are more alive than I could have once imagined.

While love may sometimes change, I love deeply; I love forever. . . My intensity overflows each and every time I see those I adore.

And I have learned to always speak from the deepest part of my soul just in case a door closes suddenly. ….because doors do close suddenly and without warning.

May I be blessed to always “live out loud” with an authenticity that rooted in grace.

Namaste (May the spirit in me honor the spirit in you),
Chava

Note: This entire blog was inspired by:

Love Openly. . .you never know

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Feb 2015  Walking from behind

I don’t think I am alone when I say there are so many things I used to fear and that there are many things that I still fear. . .

I used to fear being destitute with all that that would mean. But bankruptcy in the 1990s and a significant job loss in 2014 didn’t destroy my spirit. While both experiences were anxiety inducing, I found ways to change the tide and become grounded again. I learned to live better within my means and to trust the universe a bit more. Things are still not easy, but for the most part life financially work s (except when it doesn’t). My family really has what it needs.

I used to fear losing my husband and being alone to raise my sons.  Divorce after a long separation ended up empowering me to live a more authentic life and provided me with wings to fly.

I used to fear being traumatized by violence, but I not only survived serious childhood abuse, but I survived rape. Some may even say I found a way to not only thrive but to to help others navigate to a safer place whenever possible.

I used to fear loss, but since I live life as fully as I do. I find myself loving intensely and losing those I love sometimes through death, sometimes through abandonment, and sometimes through the realities of time and space. With each loss, I take the good memories and create new ways of living life more fully in the wake of those losses.  And I know that while the deep sadness may always inhabit a part of my heart, the ‘dance of life’ continues.

I have always feared for my children’s lives. After nine miscarriages and devastating illnesses, I still do. AND that doesn’t mean I allow the fear to infiltrate the way I live. Instead I open up my arms and reach for life with the many moving parts that that entails. And I (mostly) trust that my sons will take their own journeys.

As Émile Zola said, If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, I will answer you: I am here to live out loud!”

I know that I am blessed. Regardless of what has transpired in my life, I find the inner strength  to emerge as the woman I am. On more than one occasion my friends have referred to me a warrior. While I love that term, the term spiritual warrior resonates more deeply for me. All that I do, I do because of love.

Now for honesty, I have always emerged from fear. Always. BUT that doesn’t mean that I do not live in fear.

This past week, I have faced being stalked and feeling threatened by three neighbors. I have been forced to explore what I think about guns, how to handle the myriad of views about what is happening to me, and how to move forward.

Over the last week, I have had people tell me that I have asked for the violent energy by living my life as I do and I have had to wonder if maybe there was truth to what was being said. In the end, I am furious with those that think I should silence the way I live. That is not the world I live in; that is not the world I want to live in.

I am a writer, a protester, and an activist; I am a woman, an educator, and a dreamer. There is so much work to be done and I can not do it by walking in silence.

The man who now sits in the White House and surrounds himself with darkness needs to be held accountable for the way he walks in the world and the trauma he is causing humankind. So, while I am afraid of my neighbors, I have work to do.

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I am here to live out loud.
~Emile Zola

The moon is my guide; it allows me to mark the passing of time. Looking up into the night skies, the moon centers my spirit and keeps me grounded in life.  When the moon is whole, my entire body vibrates with an intensity and joy that is an integral part of my being. For some reason, I feel much more whole as a person when the light of the full moon is shining.

Full Moon Elul 5775. Courtesy of Jeff Keni Pulver

Courtesy of Jeff Keni Pulver: Full Moon Elul 5775.

 With the passing days  of Elul (within the Jewish calendar), I know that a little less than two weeks from now, I will be celebrating Rosh HaShana, the Jewish New Year.  My soul work during this time is to honor the energy that is part of me.  Allowing myself to live in my power and to trust my voice has been strengthened by this month’s full moon.

I am an intense and passionate woman; I love life and choose to live out loud. For various reasons, much of my life was buried away in a cocoon of silence. While I may be an introvert, I choose to allow for open windows into my soul. I know that if I want to make a difference, sharing my values, my views, and the passion is not optional. Years ago, I read a saying that has stayed with me:

“Silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech.”
~Susan Sontag

Without question, I know that my life would have been very different if so many people were not silent.  This realization is not cause for bitterness; instead it is a reminder to embrace life fully with all the intricacies that are part of who I am.

My hope and prayer is that the aliveness that has been strengthened during the full moon of Elul becomes part of my being every day of my life. Silence speaks louder than words, but words have a chance to change a potential collision course.

Hineini. . .Here I am!

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Blogging is what I do.  I love writing and sharing my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Reflection Time Selfie

Reflection Time Selfie

If this is your first time reading this series of my blog, please take a moment and read the introduction Elul Journey: A New Year Is Emerging – 5775  http://t.co/Y6vmXdO6GJ

Today is 29 Elul or less than 1 day until 5775; it is a time to reflect and to choose ways in which I can best move towards the High Holy Days and the days that follow.  While it is not easy to navigate life’s journeys, I always get to decide how to approach my life.  In this moment, I am choosing to walk gently and embrace each step with openness.  As I say this, I also realize that this would be a good time for a reality check.

During each blog post of my Elul Journeys, I will share a poem, a saying, a teaching that has helped me navigate the world.  Let me know what you think!

~ ~ ~

“If you ask me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you:
I came to live out loud.”
Quote by Emile Zola

~ ~ ~

Throughout life, I have learned that there are so many different ways to engage within life.  I have also learned that nothing moves forward without actively engaging in the holy work of making a difference for good.

While I choose to be transparent through my writing, others choose to do it through their voices, while still others may create visual masterpieces.  There are so many ways to make an impact on people and to inspire them too.

We don’t all have it in ourselves to be leaders, some of us will go through life doing working in our own little space; what a beautiful gift that people are doing what that can.  At the end of the day (metaphorically speaking), our actions do make a difference.  Every step we take has the ability to change the world, one action at a time.

As 5774 comes to a close, consider what it means to be more impactful within your life.  Silent people never move our world to a better place.

‘Live Out Loud!’

l’Shana Tova u’Metukah (Have a happy and sweet New Year),
With light & blessings,
Chava

(PS – In the coming months, I look forward to sharing some of the ways that I will be making a difference; I really want to do my part to make this world an even better place.)

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