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Posts Tagged ‘dream’

Waking up
I breathe deeply to check in with my soul.
Am I alive? I mean, am I REALLY alive?
Can I move my body? Am I ready to do my ‘Dance of Emergence’?
Is my spirit ready for the day? Will today be a day for soaring, simply navigating, or crashing?

I love fully – always too fully.
Listening to the rhythm of the earth and all her inhabitants impacts me deeply
Chaos reigns
Values don’t make sense
The struggle to navigate makes breathing hard.
But then the angels appear. . .the angels always appear.

The world is challenging for someone who walks like me.
And yet,
every day I open my arms wide
reaching for the world I love
I say
Hineini
I am here to serve.

This is my journey in life.

When I give my smile or share my spirit, it is real. And when I feel grounded and safe in that connection I want it to last forever. Only it rarely does.

Over the years, I have learned that I am too intense for the world I live.  But instead of hiding behind what my gut feels, I honor myself by adhering to the words of Emile Zola, “If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, I will answer you: “I am here to live out loud.”

This means that I show up to connect with friends, for meetings, political gatherings, or even the March For Our Lives as I did today. I show up even when I’d rather be in a quieter place. I also choose when I allow for the quiet, when I go into my own space so that I can create, daydream, or simply nurture my spirit.

Chava from behind with kippahFinding balance takes work. I say and do the things that jazz my soul, but also have the possibility of making a difference. I do this as a Jewish educator, a woman, an activist, a friend, a mother, a writer, and a  human being.

Living in the universe as I do means that I climb a lot of mountains only to stumble to keep my footing.  It also means that there are times I reach great heights and soar when I least expect it. The many moving parts of the world are relentless.

I pray with my feet as often as I can, never hiding who I am or what I believe.  At the same time, I am a seeker who chants, drums, meditates, and dreams. I am also an introvert that most people believe is an extrovert.

Actively living in the world and spending so much time navigating my work, my passions, my loved ones, and life has taken its toll. While I will keep my arms and heart open wide, I also struggle to find, to build, and to maintain sweet connections with those that consciously walk in the world. This has become a non-negotiable over the last several years.

I wasn’t always this way. In fact, I am not sure when it changed.

While I have always walked as I loved our world with all of the gifts and challenges that it brings, I used to care with a bit more detachment. And then about 20 years ago, something inside of me changed. I am not sure of the particular event or a triggered memory. But suddenly I couldn’t turn off my feelings with ease.  I wanted to learn more, do more, be more. Slowly I came to understand that I may never learn enough, do enough, be enough.

As a little girl, my mother truly believed I was limited. And as I grew, I believed that too. I hid behind good grades and a passion for learning, but I wasn’t able to absorb what was happening like other kids. I wasn’t articulate or good in math. I couldn’t remember the finer details of anything.  Over time, I learned to do the best I could do, but I wanted to do so much more. I wanted the capacity to synthesize all that I was learning into action and sharing for good.  I wanted to make a difference with my wisdom; I wanted to touch the world in huge ways.

Life took over. I learned to do what I could do. When something needed to be done, I did it. I always did what was asked of me. In my family, in my work, and in my community, I was the solid one. If you needed anything, I would show up and take care of things – and always with a smile.

Eventually, I started looking past the village that I was living. Ouch. Slowly, I dipped my toe into the larger world, the world outside myself. First, a homeless, pregnant woman with a toddler came to live with my family for nearly six months. That was the beginning of me realizing that there was so much to do. The more I learned, the more I realized that I just couldn’t do enough. EVERYTHING was calling to me – the environment, homelessness, the need to protect those that couldn’t protect themselves, and then the policies of Israel became more than I could bare to see/hear/read. Human rights, the environment, politics – everything mattered. Only I couldn’t do enough to make the world a better place. I still can’t. So I take one step and then another – knowing it is all a little too inadequate. But still, it is my job do what I can.

The last few years have been a time for learning and accepting the realities of not only my life, but the world I live. I’ve struggled to come to grips with how I walk in the world. I am blessed to be able to open my arms and do just a little for the family, community, and world that I love. I know that my smile and my warmth makes a difference – sometimes. But I also know that deep inside, I know that I am not done yet, I have more to do! I am not enough because I am not able to keep up with the world I live as I’d like. I am limited. With so much to absorb, I can’t make sense of it all.

  • How can we create a world with racial and economic equality?
  • How can the countries I love care so poorly for all of their inhabitants?
  • What can we learn from science to make our environment safer for all? Why does big business and the government continue to literally destroy the fabric or our world?
  • Guns – WTF should be done? AND what truths make sense? 17 people were killed at a high school in Parkland, Florida; more are still struggling with their lives. People of color are at a disproportionately greater risk for violence – always.
  • How can our government have so many people that believe that hatred and white supremacy should be a guiding message?
  • Wasn’t our country made with immigrants? YET, all over the country, beautiful people are forced to rally and chant, “No Hate! No Fear! Immigrants are welcome here!”
  • We are so far away from taking care of the world we live in. Homelessness, veterans, domestic violence, animal cruelty, and ___________ – You fill in the blank. How can we do what we need to do in order to improve the world for our people?
  • . . . .and so much more.

With so much that needs to be done, I am not where I want to be, but the message I am hearing in my head is clear.  While I may not feel like I am enough, I am doing a little bit every day. AND on a good day, I do a lot more. Continuing the holy work of rolling up my sleeves is no option; there is still too much to do.  I may not feel like I am enough, but that doesn’t mean that I should stop doing what I am doing. And yes, I do realize that it is time for me to reframe my inner critic; I know I have some work to do.

MeFueling my spirit, I will continue on this journey. I will do what I can and eventually as I keep taking one step and then another, I will believe that I am enough.

My work, my writing, my beautiful nonprofit, and my warmth need to be my focus. So I will continue to do what I do best, wake up every morning with my arms and heart wide open. I show up. I am here. Hineini.

With love, light, hope, and blessings,
Chava

(Note: This rambling piece is following the amazing March For Our Lives which inspired me in every way, but also left me in a pool of tears. I wish their wasn’t still so much to do and yet, there are so many angels stepping up to do the work.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Yesterday, I was asked a great question during a job interview, “What is your favorite movie was and why?” For just a split second, I hesitated on how I should respond. If I was very wise, I could have responded by saying Milk, I was truly inspired by the Harvey Milk story, but that isn’t what I responded. I responded with the truth; my favorite movie is Flashdance.

My goal in each and every job interview is to be as authentic as I can be. So as I blurted out the name of a major chic-flick, I was mortified. Yet ever since I originally saw the movie in 1983, one line in the movie has been a grounding force for me.

“When you give up your dream, you die.”

That one sentence has contributed to me becoming the person I am today.  It sits in my toolbox at all times reminding me to thrive as a human being as I continuously strive to reach for the stars even as I am grounded where I am.  It was this saying that has kept me company at each and every crossroad of my life; in fact it is this saying that has moved me forward even when I should have fallen flat on my face.

Since the moment, I heard these words in the movie Flashdance, I have been making  dreams happen.  Giving up has never been an option.

Here are the five core dreams that have stood inside my soul for the last several decades.

  1. Writing: From the moment I could create stories in my head I have wanted to be a writer. Weaving words together has been a constant in my life since I can remember.   Today I realize that my words really can impact people, so I often share them via my blog.  At the same time, I am also actively pursuing my dream of publishing a book in the coming years.  🙂
  2. Raising my sons with love and compassion: My sons have taught me how to truly live and to be the mother I am.  Still it has been my job to nurture them so that they may emerge into phenomenal beings who are full of love and compassion for themselves and the world around them.  As they reach towards adulthood, I am blessed to see that this dream is happening as I type.
  3. Living Consciously/Walking Gently: Every aspect of the world matters and if I don’t do my part to walk gently and to make a difference for good then I am not honoring the universe and her many gifts. May gratitude course through my veins as I do the holy work of living consciously.
  4. Creating a healthier Israel: I love Israel and struggle with the many destructive actions of her government. My hope and my prayer is that I can work with others so that we see a truly democratic state that can live side by side with her Palestinian neighbors.
  5. Being a warm and positive Jewish presence: Living actively as a Jew is part of who I am.  May I be a person who helps keep Jewish people engaged in their faith and a positive Jewish connection for others.  Sharing my  love for Judaism and the Jewish people is a driving force for me.

Allowing myself to love life as I do happens because I actively engage in making my dreams  come true.  If I didn’t actively engage in making my dreams happen, I would not be where I am today.

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Every day is a birthday; I really believe that.

Deep inside, I truly believe that I should be celebrating life each and every day.  I also believe that I should celebrate the lives of those I love each and every day.  Life should never be taken for granted; life is not a given.

This year, my birthday came without any real fanfare except that Facebook friends reminded me that I matter.  How beautiful is that!  I was also blessed to be remembered by a few friends that went out of their way to text me, send my cards, and call me.  One family even brought me a gift basket that literally brought tears to my eyes.  Another friend made me a gluten free cake which has now ruined my sons ever making me cake again; hers was too good!!!!  One gift that I always treasure is the phone call I receive each year from my brother; this year was no exception.  Finally, I was also able to hang with one friend in the morning and another friend in the evening.  Life is and was truly good!

Spiritually, today was a day of reflection; with reflection comes both gifts and challenges.  Today was a day to think about what I want over the coming year; it was also a day to not only remember the many losses that are imprinted on my heart, but to celebrate my life.  Today was not easy, but that’s ok.  In order to grow, we sometimes need to reflect. Accepting the realities of life and reaching for dreams takes work, hard work.  When you admit your dreams, you are also admitting that there are things you want and areas that you are falling short. Ultimately, reflection can be a gift you give yourself.

Today, with today’s reflections I reminded myself that:

  1. My voice matters and I don’t want to be silent when I have something to say.
  2. Chanting brings calmness to my entire being.
  3. When life is busy, I still need to take time for the things I love.
  4. Family dinners aren’t a choice, they need to be a given on most nights.
  5. Being a good friend means being more present than I have been over the past months.
  6. My body is craving time to move, time to drum, and time to write; I need to do the things that make my soul sing.
  7. If I want to be creative, I have to find ways to embrace the journey of skepticism from not only those that surround me, but from myself too.
  8. Judaism brings me joy, but I have to make time not only to work in a Jewish environment, but nurture my own Jewish soul.
  9. Moving through my short-comings is humbling, but also necessary.
Photo courtesy of Simon Rosenblatt. Being called up to the Torah for an aliyah is amazing, but it is time for me to read from the Torah again.

Photo courtesy of Simon Rosenblatt. Being called up to the Torah for an aliyah is amazing, but it is time for me to read from the Torah again.

I am alive! Living life fully means embracing all the parts of my being.

Today, I lived my life fully according to the way I walk through the world.  My hope is that I always remember the words that my friend Joe Laur always tells his beloved friends on their birthdays, “Dream Big, Dance Hard, Laugh Loud, Love Deep, Live Long!”

Will you join me as I move through the coming year.

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It’s official. . .I am certifiably nuts. . .  Tonight I went out walking and I serenaded the moon. While Dovi, my 15 year old son, might not forgive me, I am thrilled to have decompressed in this way.

I am one of the most intense people I know. I rarely shut down and just chill, but tonight I did.  Tonight I sang and created new lyrics to songs that usually have different words.  I chanted chants that move me to a spiritual place.  I laughed out loud and smiled broadly.  I felt truly alive.

As someone who has yet to study the power of the full moon, I believe it had something to do with the full moon’s energy.  Perhaps it also had to do with my need to relax and appreciate the rhythm of the earth and the rhythm of the sky.  My entire body reverberated from the energy I was feeling and it still is.

Life’s biggest gifts come when you open your eyes a little wider than normal, breathe a little deeper than usual, and watch things unfold.  Today that’s exactly what I did.  I appreciated what was and appreciated the moments as they unveiled themselves.

A few days ago, a distant friend who feels like a soul friend, asked me if I was ok.  With that one question, I was struck with the fact that I had not been managing my intensity as I should. And now, I feel blessed by both the question and the realization that came to me 24 hours later. While I embrace life and the emotional roller-coaster that comes with it, I really am feeling grounded and content.  While I am actively engaged in life’s journeys, I am also conscious of each and every emotion.  The bottom-line is I am an intense soul who constantly navigates the world and all of the inhabitants that I encounter.

I think, I feel, I dream, I vision, I seek, and I struggle.  I hope, I believe, I soar, and I embrace life intensely.  And yet when the day is done, when the moment ends, I am basically a content woman.  I love life.

Tonight the moon called to me.  She showed me her beautiful energy and she surrounded me too.  With that realization, I became acutely aware that my heart was soaring and my soul was singing.  And with each step under the moon and stars, I found my voice.

With love, light, and blessings . . .

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“The body is the first instrument of the Soul.” ~Henry David Thoreau

 A year ago, the doctor told that I needed to stop having all sodas and caffeine due to some health challenges.  In that one sentence, something in my soul clicked; an epiphany occurred.  My health had become a symbol for what was happening at the core of my being.

I listened to the doctor completely and then continued to make some vital changes of how I ate and how I moved.  The bottom-line is that I made dramatic changes with how I choose to nurture my body.  Sugar – gone; caffeine -gone; soda-gone.  I learned to move more and then life started happening a little differently than I had grown accustomed to in recent years.

After struggling with so much of life for so long, the doctor’s wisdom made me realize that I had to take the reins in my hands and start figuring out the course of my life.  Trusting myself needed to become the norm and listening to the wisdom that was ingrained not only in me but around me too.  My world is full of insightful, wise souls that share their wisdom freely and their love too.  I needed to learn to listen to the world that surrounded me.

So while the doctor enticed me to give up caffeine and soda as a means of becoming healthier.  I started to make some dramatic changes with how I walked in the world.  And it all began with an affirmation that a dear friend, Mersh Lubel Kanis helped me to develop.  “I give my body what it needs to be spiritually and physically health!”

What became obvious each and every time I wrote or spoke that affirmation is that I had to find a way to make all that I do become a manifestation of becoming more spiritually and physically balanced.  I had to not only eat better; I had to move more and take time to laugh too.  I had to live actively in present times and enjoy what was a little bit more.

Below is a list of what I have either learned this year or developed more fully over the course of this year.

  1. Live with integrity in all that you do; integrity comes from within.
  2. Speak your truth and listen deeply in return.
  3. Friends should fuel your soul and inspire you to be the best that you can be.
  4. What matters is not what happens in your life, but how you choose to walk through it.
  5. Silence has its place in this world, but only through action do you get things done.
  6. Take time to dream and then reach for your dream; actively and consciously give voice to all that you wish to accomplish and then actively engage in making it happen.
  7. Nurturing my spirit allows me the space to live life more fully.
  8. Always keep yourself moving to the best of your abilities.
  9. You never know what tomorrow will bring.  Don’t fear that reality, just let it guide you in how you walk through life.
  10. It is what it is.

While the doctor initially told me simple instructions, they became a spring board for me in every area of my life.  I found myself moving and reaching for things that I had been stagnant in my life previously; I also learned that I could ask for help as I moved forward.

During the last night of Chanukah, I sat around the table with not only latkes, but amazing friends and family too.  At the end of the meal, I had everyone pick a card from my beautiful new angel cards (from Israel).  Before picking the card I asked, “What will I need as I journey into this next year and all my endeavors?”  I picked the card which said gratitude.

With gratitude, I feel the blessings that surround me.  I couldn’t have made it without my beautiful family, my beloved friends, and work of my soul.

May I continue to see the blessings that surround me and strive to be a light to others.

With love and light,                                                                                                                                         ~Chava

Keep on moving!  Keep on reaching!

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