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Posts Tagged ‘down-to-earth’

Today is Day 20 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

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I think that this Selfie Challenge was actually a little ridiculous. While I wanted to have fun and celebrate me a bit more. What I craved was to unveil myself on a much deeper level. I am sure I did that only marginally on a couple of the days.

In the end, I realized how much I have hated looking at myself and finding the beauty in me in this way. Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, I am content with how I look and yet there are absolutely things that I’d like to change. Sigh. I am probably not too unique there.

Day 20Day 20 has proven to me  that I should give up trying to capture my beauty in a selfie. Sure I can do selfies sometimes, but I really don’t want to see my face everyday.

Looking good is important to me, but there is nothing about my face that changes with any regularity. I am too down-to-earth for that. And for the record, I really do prefer wearing black shirts and jeans so that takes away from making each photo different. I tried and I even succeeded some. 🙂

And yet, here is one of the hard truths of this journey. I found some beauty, but I also found a woman that has more work to do and authenticity to live. Finding a selfie I loved each day meant that I took many failures first. I learned to really hate my double-chin and excess weight. And mostly, I learned that it was the writing practice I adored.

Ok. . .so now I know. . . I need to keep writing. This is NOT a newsflash; I have been a writer since first picking up a pen or pencil. I’ve always loved writing!

What I really wanted to do is write about how I am feeling about the world, about some new and painful realizations about myself, about how I struggle to find joy and happiness or exuberance and yet even in my intensity, I really do spend a large part of my life in seeped in contentment.

And I wanted to share my views on guns, my troubled heart, Republicans, Israel, and assholes. I am fairly certain I would shock a few people more than once and not others.

Finally, I have found myself having some really significant ‘Come to Jesus moments.” That must be funny coming from a connected Jewish soul, but it is true.

Life is complicated and full of too many moving parts.

The bottom-line,, I will stick with writing and refrain from ever doing another Selfie Challenge. I will embrace the core of my being: I am a writer who was born to “live out loud”.

Hineini, Here I am!

Sending love, light, hope, and blessings. . . .I think we can all use some.

PS – I have one day left. . . I wonder what will emerge from my fingertips tomorrow.

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Tonight we counted Day 30 of the Omer, which is 4 weeks and two day of the counting. Today is referred to as Gevunrah sheh b’Hod, Strength or Discipline within Expansiveness.

Lately I have been struggling to maintain a strong foundation.  There are so many reasons for this and with each reason comes frustration.  Yet even with my frustrations, I am still awed by the land and the skies that surround me in Tucson.  The beauty often grounds me and reminds me of my place in this world.  Life is what it is, but in the whole scheme of things, my foot and knee will heal, my schedule will not remain this crazy forever, friends will become a more active part of my life, I will make time to exercise on a regular basis. . . the list goes on and on.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing nature.  Remembering to acknowledge the vast beauty brings me  down to earth and sustains me internally.  My challenges might feel overwhelming, but they are actually quite small.   I truly have what I need and I can create the world I want, I just have to do the work.  When I take time to engage in the world around me, I begin to return to a more solid foundation.

Today, I nurtured my spirit.  I found the discipline to step out of the darkness and to gain stronger footing.  Early in the morning, I went hiking with Aryeh, I had some sweet moments with Dovi, I chanted, I took time write (twice) and now I am listening to good music at my favorite writing place in the world.  Even with my knee swelling, I am feeling stronger today than I was yesterday.  Allowing myself to engage with life (all of life) is the gift I give myself.  I even saw a friend for tea and visited with friends at the local JCC and Federation.

SabinoApril

Today’s gift was allowing myself to step outside of myself and to engage in the beauty of nature, people, and writing.  Creating the space for the Gevurah (the discipline/strength) to thrive as my entire being stretched out from the darkness towards the light.

 

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