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Posts Tagged ‘control’

Tonight, we will count or have counted Day 12 of the Omer, which is 1 week and 5 days.  We refer to today as Hod she-b’Gevurah, being actively present in what you are doing without needing to control the outcome of what’s happening within the power of life’s journeys and within our own strength.  The beauty of living, even momentarily, without needing to control how something will work or not work can be profoundly freeing.

The teaching Na’aseh V’Nishma, which is understood to mean do first and understand later ; the translation means we will do and we will hear  (understand more deeply) comes to mind. (Exodus 23:4-7)   Sometimes we are drawn or even ordered to do things that make no sense.  If we are lucky, we might one day come to better understand our actions.
Congested

One of the things I have grown to love is walking, hiking, biking, or driving in an area that is unknown to me.  With each forward movement, I fall in love with where I am at any given moment without an expectation of what is coming next.    In truth, even if I could easily read maps I would still be clueless about what is happening and what I am seeing until I get to where I am going.

Life is full of things that are hidden from us or that are unclear to us.  Sometimes we are fortunate enough to gain perspective after we have completed a task, sometimes later, and sometimes not at all.  Learning to trust the process of life is a gift you give yourself.

May we all be blessed to have moments in time that we can trust our role in life without needing to understand each and every moment that is coming or will ultimately come.

 

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reeses

Today is Day  7 of my eliminating sugar from my diet.  In this moment, I am feeling pretty good, but tired too.  I haven’t been partaking in the sugar and caffeine pick me ups in the middle of the day; this is a good thing.  The biggest challenge in this journey is that when I am feeling anxious or just bummed, I really want ‘junk” and I have chosen to function differently.  All day yesterday, I would have loved peanut butter (the kind with sugar and hydrogenated oil) and chocolate.  In fact, I would have loved to chow down on a fair-trade chocolate and peanut butter bar (homemade or even a commercially made bar).

Yesterday was full of blessings, many of them, but still I had a few hours that felt a bit dark and overwhelmed.  I was feeling challenged by some intense issues that don’t usual wipe me out.  To begin with, I have four friends that are having intense physical challenges and I fear for their journey.  Secondly, I am navigating some financial challenges that sometimes feel overwhelming, but really aren’t.  And lastly, I needed time to write, to rest, and to chill, but that didn’t happen.  With all of this going on, I still found myself allowing my mind to wander to Israeli politics, the United States economy, and our environment.  My mind was full, too full.

With all of the intensity, I functioned well and didn’t let my mood stay down for more than an hour or two.  Work was busy, but manageable.  I even went with Aryeh to the 4th Avenue Street Fair in Tucson; I liked watching the people, but NOTHING really caught my eye.  We wandered without really feeling a strong need to pop into many booths and when we did stop, I was amazed by how many artists/booth operators ignored us, so we kept moving.  When I stopped at one booth, I would have asked some questions and perhaps purchased a mobile, but when no one noticed us, we just kept walking.

While lack of excess funds and a strong value for Voluntary Simplicity often guide me, I was still intrigued that I navigated a Fair that we were told about since arriving in Tucson 5 months ago.  It was an experience . . .I think  Aryeh and I enjoyed people watching more than anything!   I really do love walking on 4th Avenue and I was sad that I didn’t have time to curl up with my computer and go to Cafe Passe.  The one thing Aryeh and I noted with alarm was that we love amazing Tie-Dye and none existed at the 4th Avenue Street Fair.  Of all the things we could be judgmental about, it was Tie-Dye.  We love Milky Wave Tie-Dye; not only are Laz and Jess amazing artists, they are phenomenal people.  We love their business, their art, and their family too.  We loved their parents’ work too; we miss them.  So, Tucson, if you want to purchase real tie-dye, go to Opal, Virginia or look on FB. https://www.facebook.com/milkywavetiedye?fref=ts.

Tangent over. . . .

My biggest trigger food in the world is junky peanut butter.  If you ever see me eating junky peanut butter, you have two choices: get out of the way or gently ask me if I am ok.  If I am eating it, I am not ok.  And if I am eating peanut butter and chocolate together, do yourself a favor and get out of the way.  When I am dark, my natural inclination is to build a cocoon around myself and eat the foods that do nothing for my waist-line or my blood sugar level.  What I learned two years ago and what I am learning now is that tough stop happens and I can manage my emotions without the junk.

The blessing of today is that life happens and if I manage my emotions without sugar, I will soar to a healthier place.  Navigating discomfort and pain is hard; there is no way around it.  For me, today, comforting myself with unhealthy food is not an option.  I need to find a new ‘normal’ again.  Yesterday, I allowed myself tears, quiet time, and ultimately I functioned; I did everything I needed to do without feeding into my sugar addiction.

There really are many payoffs that are coming with this journey, I am:

  • learning to manage my emotions without sugar.
  • taking control of my life a little bit more than before.
  • losing weight (nearly 4 lbs. since last Sunday).

Today is a new day and I am thriving.

With blessings and light,  Chava

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