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Posts Tagged ‘connections’

Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom. For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for others, it is a tool for exploring the kabbalistic teachings in an organized way. For me, it is a time to actively reflect on my Journey Towards Wholeness. The more I am whole, the more free I will become.  [http://t.co/dBPYjDxSGj . . . .]

Allowing for transition in all relationships takes a tremendous amount of courage.  Nine days ago, I shared that “Sometimes closing the door is not enough; sometimes the door must be locked AND barricaded too!” http://wp.me/pthnB-LD While that is absolutely true, that is not the case all the time.

Relationships can often be fluid, they evolve over time; sometimes they seem closer and sometimes farther away.

For me, the struggle is loving people in the intense way that I do when they have decided to ease out of our shared connection. Sometimes I just don’t want to let go of the close connection that ‘was’. When I am not ready or expecting a change, I often find myself mourning the loss instead of just moving forward. Outwardly I may appear to be allowing the relationship to end or to ebb and flow, but inwardly I am crushed. (I do realize that this is remnant from my childhood.)

The last three years have been full of intense loss. My heart has been shattered again and again – sometimes expectantly, but mostly not. The losses are intensely private and mostly held close. There is little reason to share my losses with others. Initially, I navigate in the best ways that I know how and when I am ready I wipe my tears and move forward. Always.

Picture by Chava

Picture by Chava

Friendships unfold or transition in their own unique way.  My goal is always to find a way to do what I have to do and move forward privately. There really is little time for a broken heart. This is my work – perhaps it always will be. The blessing is that I do have some beautiful connections in my life and most of them are quite strong.

In my journey towards wholeness, I am striving to find the inner strength to let go of that which does not serve me. Only through developing some inner strength is there hope to ease more naturally into navigating all relationships in the healthiest of ways.

In the meantime, I am grateful to those within my inner circle that allow me to enter our connection fully as I am.

With love, light, and blessings,
Chava

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Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom. For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for others, it is a tool for exploring the kabbalistic teachings in an organized way. For me, it is a time to actively reflect on my Journey Towards Wholeness. The more I am whole, the more free I will become.  [http://t.co/dBPYjDxSGj . . . .]

blue_boat_house_door

Sometimes closing the door is not enough;
sometimes the door must be locked AND barricaded too!
~Quote by Chava

My Journey Towards Wholeness has been profound. With each passing day, I am encountering more and more awareness regarding how to best navigate my life in the healthiest of ways.

While this has been an exciting time for me, it has also been challenging to look at the many relationships that have been part of my life – some for weeks and months, others for years and decades.  And while I treasure what each connection has given me, I am also finding it advantageous to let go of the connections that no longer serve me. If nearly every interaction with someone causes discomfort, it is time to leave the connection behind.

Life is a gift. That means I need to treat it with love and thoughtfulness; I need to treasure what life offers and find peace when some of the relationships end.  Few things last forever.

With every ounce of my being, I am constantly working towards being as considerate and warm as I can be. Maybe I haven’t always been this way, but I have been doing the holy work of walking gently for a few years now.

The pain of closing the door from a once special person can feel overwhelming and yet I believe we are honoring ourselves when we do just that. . And with the really tough or toxic relationships, we need want to consider my friend Sabrina Sojourner’s wisdom, “Sometimes you need to change the door into a wall. Bookcases and shelving work great for that.”

Today I made the painful decision to barricade the door from someone who has been in my life for decades; perhaps I should have erected a wall instead. My heart and my soul are too precious to be continually stomped on.

With a heavy heart and a clear mind, I am taking care of me. I am letting go and finding balance.

While I believe that ‘when one door closes, another door opens’, I don’t want to hear that right now.  Instead I want to be spiritually held and allowed to grieve.

With love, light, and blessings,
Chava

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Middah (character trait) focus: Moving forward with grace

Wondering if this is graceful. . . .

Wondering if this is graceful. . . .

Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom.  For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for me, it is a time to actively reflect on different middot (character traits) that will lead me to my own rebirth.

I am a person who acknowledges who I am and what my intentions are; I attempt to always walk forward with both integrity and transparency.  At times, it isn’t easy to walk as I do, but it is a part of me.  At the same time, I journey towards peace (both inner and outer peace).  While the journey is sometimes difficult, in the end, each step propels me towards a more authentic life allowing me to be impactful for good.

Making an impact for good is profoundly important to me.  Those of you that know me personally, know that I sometimes offend people with my directness; I am honest and intense in how I walk in this world. While I may offend people, it is often because of how I grapple with what I see not because I want to make others uncomfortable.  And I am also a loving human being that thrives on positive interactions and sweet connections.

With that in mind, I have chosen to navigate my latest journey in the most graceful way I know how.  (We all have our journeys, don’t we?) My hope is that I hold myself in a positive way.  I love life, I love the people that I have chosen and that have chosen me for their world.  I connect with people whether I walk in a store, on a mountain, on the sidewalks next to a busy street; I couldn’t make these connections if I didn’t embrace life as I do.

Deep anger and dark energy would not make me approachable in any way.  I love being the person that touches people with my warmth and smile; I can’t imagine being any other way.  That doesn’t mean that I am not sad right now; I am struggling with taking care of my family financially and how I will transition if I have to move.  And guess what – it really is about finances and I believe that as long as my family does what it needs to do that we will land on our feet even if I have to ask for help.  Moving forward with grace is about focusing on the many positives and not harping on what was.  Each step of my journey has been full of open doors.  Sometimes the doors are open briefly and sometimes the doors are wide open for a lifetime.  I need to see the world as being full of opportunities; I need to concentrate on the good; and I need to move forward by doing all that needs to be done with a gentleness within me.

And with every step, I need to remember that my family is blessed with good health, loving friends and a ‘can do’ attitude.  We will be ok for sure and probably even great in just a short time.

With all of this in mind – May I move forward with grace – now and always.

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Reflections:

While cleaning out my email inbox yesterday, I was blown away by the many connections I have.  I am loved, cared for, and blessed with many friends and loving souls in my life.

Each of my four personal email addresses has a different focus.  Initially, I am cleaning my writing email account.  With this address, I share my writing, save ideas, and foster new writing projects.  Trying to clean up this email address is tedious and time consuming; I never knew I had so many ideas that I saved, quotes that I collected, or dreams that I processed.  I really never knew.

I also never knew that most of my creative friends are quick to offer cooking ideas, beautiful songs, and sweet stories.  My creative/writing email is full of love, there are so many people in my life that give unselfishly of themselves.  At this moment, I am humbled that people nurture me as they do.  Writing in a vacuum isn’t possible.  When you share of your art, your writing, or your soul, people want to share of themselves too!!!

There are so many days, I feel alone in my little creative bubble.  What I learned last night is that while I may sometimes feel alone, there are many people that are there for me.  Patient individuals that are content to be a part of my life in any way that they can.  I am blessed to be surrounded by loving and thoughtful individuals that love me or care for me as the person I am; they value my creative energy and make sure I know that they are there.

Vikki's Class

Blessing flags represent what my friends give:
Love, Compassion, Loving-kindness, Peace,
Healing, Honor, & Justice

This fair-trade flag that can be purchased at http://fairtradejudaica.org/product/jewish-blessing-flags/; each flag represents what I found in my inbox last night. Every email was filled with so many of the blessings above.   My friends love not only me, but life and humankind too; they are generous people that walk gently in the world and give unselfishly.

Cleaning up my inboxes is proving to be more challenging than I expected.

The good news is that while I might not empty all 5,000 by next week, I now have approximately 200 less emails in my inbox than I did after yesterday morning’s purge.  Between yesterday morning and last night’s email purge/file experience, I am down a total of approximately 500 emails and 200 spams.  Yay!

Slowly, slowly – I am working towards my goal for less clutter in the email realm.

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Tonight we counted Day 20  of the Omer, which is 2 weeks and 6 days of the counting of the Omer. Today is referred to as Yesod sheh b’Tiferet or foundation within truth.   Tiferet is not simply beauty, it encompasses so much more; when you see the complete picture of Tiferet, you also see balance, harmony, and ultimately truth.

There is nothing more beautiful in the world than truth.  That doesn’t mean it is always happy or good, but it does mean that the rawness has the capacity to touch those that are open to it.  Have you ever:

  • heard a touching song or prayer performed or shared by someone who feels each and every note?
  • heard a baby or toddler’s laughter?
  • felt the comfort of a friend during a particularly hard time in your life?
  • read a book that resonates in the core of your being?seen a piece of artwork that takes your breath away?
  • experienced a moment when your story, your teaching, your song has touched nearly every person in an environment?
  • listened to a person who lives by their values and wants to share their wisdom with you?

The list goes on and on; if our heart and eyes are open, beauty surrounds us whenever we take a moment to be fully present and to  experience that which surrounds us.

As we stand strong, our foundation allows the renewal of our body and our spirit.

As we stand strong, our foundation allows the renewal of our body and our spirit.

Lately, I have become aware of how much I love people; ok, I have always known that :).  But now I am admitting that I love to be with people that are mostly able to be fully present and ‘real’ in their interactions with me and the world around them.   Nothing in life is 100%, but I’d like to see it happen more rather than less.    Life is full and I prefer having more meaningful interactions with people (especially good friends).  The fullness of these kind of connections feels so much more authentic within my life as they strengthen my yesod, my foundation.

May we surround ourselves with a foundation that leads to stronger connections and truth.

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Good relationships are a gift.  Without them our lives are challenging and we are not nearly as happy as we can be.  To me that means that we should surround ourselves with people that nurture our souls.

With that in mind, I have been considering what it means to hang with people that nurture our souls. For each of us that could mean something different.  For me, it means, I want to be with people that make me think and allow me to be who I am.

I am someone who is affectionate, playful, and incredibly intense.  I love to laugh out loud and I cry when I see beauty or hear about someone’s pain.  I move to most music and my fingers drum when a song touches me.  I notice nearly everything, but I have learned to be silent because I am sometimes concerned that what I want to share might not be less than appropriate.

The people that nurture my soul need to know these things and they need to walk gently when they want me to share my stories or my thoughts.  I am an introvert at heart who can schmooze with nearly everyone I meet.  Someone who nurtures my soul will know all of these things and help me be the best that I can be as they let me do the same for them.

Timing makes a difference; a good friend isn’t there all the time, nor is a lover, or a child.  No one can be all things for all people.  Having people in your lives means accepting that each of us give differently at different times.  Honoring each of our realities goes a long way in maintaining  relationships that potentially nurture one another’s soul.

May we all use our power of discernment to build healthy connections.

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Each and every day, I am touched by the people in my life.  I am blessed with friends that touch are an integral part of my life even though they live all over the United States and Canada, some even live on other continents.

Daily reality, however, is a little more daunting. While I have friends all over the globe,  today I am developing new friendships in my new city.  I sometimes wonder if they will be there when challenging times hit; the good news is that I am hopeful.

What I have learned in the past few weeks is how important it is for me to feel that people care.  And in the last two days that was reinforced.  Three new friends opened doors for me to enter.  One just texted me to say ‘Shabbat Shalom’, one asked me to join her and her family for an evening out, and another suffered through hiking with me.  (I didn’t handle the altitudes well or maybe I was just out of shape.:))  The bottom-line is that people have been reaching out.

I love that people are so giving; now it is time for me to give back not only to my new friends, but to the friends I  leave far away.  Life is profoundly busy and I haven’t been as present as I should.  Sometimes I wonder how anyone could call me a friend.

In response to having people reach out to me I decided to do the same for others.  Today, I reached out to two friends; I called them and both connections filled me with joy.  They also seemed to be thrilled.  Reaching out is a short term investment with lasting effects.

As for me, I am feeling really grateful to those that are starting to include me in their lives.

Connections can only happen if we remember to reach out.

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