Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘connecting’

Connecting is what I do. I have grown to love that about myself. And yet, I have had the door slammed in my face. . .not once, not twice, but multiple times. I have had other doors close more gradually without intense pain.

To say that I am strong doesn’t really cover it, sometimes I move forward with ease and sometimes the pain has been known to stay with me – forever (at least to-date).

When doors close or sometimes feel like there closing, I struggle to breathe deeply. The pain is so very overwhelming and my heart feels the need to race. At first the tears feel like they will never stop falling and then the metaphoric tears continue to fall. Those tears create puddles around my soul and remind me that perhaps it is time to protect myself by building a moat.

While the moat may surround me, it won’t ever protect me fully. As long as I love and connect as I do, I will remain open to loving connections and profound losses.

May I be blessed to hold and be held in a fullness that nurtures my spirit and builds bridges that fortify my soul.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Chava's Shadow 17January2016Silence is an answer.
While your love is deep
Your quiet resonates more deeply.

As vulnerability courses through my being
Your silence triggers the pain that rests just below the surface.
Distance is our reality and yet it hasn’t always been that way.

Trust evaporates when it isn’t contained.
Sometimes I need to be metaphorically held.
Stroked. Nurtured. Hugged.

A kind word
A sweet note
A present message

Sharing my vulnerability isn’t easy
Yet it is part of growing connections
I am not as strong as I thought I was
and maybe I never was.

Breathing in the truth. . .
Silence speaks louder than words. . . .
I’m listening.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Shemati Reconsidered

Shemati Reconsidered

Hearing is about noting the sound or the words being heard.  Sometimes it is also about connecting with the energy or the rhythm of what’s going on around you.  If I am honest, listening, really absorbing what is being said and what is going on around you is one of the most sacred acts one can do.

Shema in Hebrew means so many things; it means hear, listen, absorb, focus. . . .it means be present with the sounds and the rhythm of the earth and with whom you stand.  When you are able to be fully present, you open you heart to what is.

In February, I had a viceral amd temporary response, http://wp.me/pthnB-ox, to the word Shemati, the word that had previously meant so much to me. . . perhaps I just had a temper tantrum of sorts.  The word that I had previously held so dear started to hurt me.  In my aloneness, I believed that no one could truly hear the depths of my words and my thoughts.  While there might be some truth to that, I have since returned to peace with trusing that word when uttered from a place of truth.

I am a human being that wrestles with my place in this world.  Where do I belong? Who wants to truly hear what is going on in my head? And do I really have anything worthy of listening to.  As a general rule, my self esteem is strong yet I have moments in which I grapple with the power of my silence.  Perhaps I should say less, walk more gently, and serve others a little more.    While my voice matters, it might have more power in the silence.

And then there are other times when I love the power of my voice and how I am able to connect with people when I use my voice;  I  also love the silence.  The key is finding the balance.

Honoring others comes when I allow others to be real with me and when I trust my own voice and how I interact with any individual or group of individuals.  When I am in a place of integrity, I can say shemati.   And when I am in trustworthy connections, I can believe when folks say shemati to me.  Shemati really does strengthens those connections.

To be fully transparent, I have only started to dip my toe into fully utilizing the word shemati again.  And I have to say it is starting to feel good again. . .it takes time to reconnect with an old friend.

Today, at some point in a conversation with my friend, I used the word shemati.  And with that one word, my friend’s joy was so full; she knew I was returning home.  I was finding my voice and finding center with a word that I really do hold so dear.

Temper tantrum over.  🙂

 

Read Full Post »