Posts Tagged ‘challenging times’

Tonight, it seems like my entire being is playing a wrestling match with itself. It has been such a tough match then when I tried to wake myself from the jarring movements, I couldn’t find lamp on my nightstand. It was gone; the light had literally moved.

While I found some of my pillow, a few of my limbs were knotted up in a blanket and my dog was sighing deeply wanting me to stop kicking her. Poor Maddie became so unhappy with my erratic movements that she did what she never does by choice…she went to curl up in her kennel.

After fighting sleep I decided at 3:30 AM that it was time to stop wrestling whatever demons were visiting me and try to redirect myself. LOL!  That didn’t work too well as well as I would like either. So I decided to do what I do best. I picked up my laptop and started writing.

‘I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking,
what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.
What I want and what I fear.’
Quote by Joan Didion

In the midst of my disconnected sleep, I couldn’t imagine what subconscious thoughts were keeping me awake. Now that I am awake, it isn’t difficult to imagine what is filling my mind.

Falling asleep last night, I found myself focusing on:

  • The many Muslims being murdered through terrorist acts during Ramadan,
  • Jews being murdered in Israel,
  • Another black man (possibly) being executed by police last night,
  • and watching Donald Trump’s candidacy for presidency make it acceptable for bigotry and baseless hatred to become a norm in our country.
  • Baseless hatred – The hatred that makes a man go into a nightclub and massacre 49 people. And then there is the random and not so random acts of violence that happen on the street corners, in front of mosques, or in market places. . .
  • US and Israeli politics infuriate me. I believe the world could be a lot better off without those that attempt or actually create policies that inspire intolerance and damage our environment at every opportunity.

So if the list above wouldn’t have been enough, I also always have my own internal struggles:

  • Will I ever have enough hours in my life to fully honor the creative soul that I am?
  • Why can’t I find the time to call those that I adore who need to hear my voice? Wait, I guess I have to find my voice first. My throat is still so raw from the bronchitis and laryngitis that I had a couple of weeks ago.
  • How will I best protect myself against the insanity that I see daily in the world?
  • Did I say that I am craving another furry friend? This time I want to train the pup to be a therapy dog. Before going to sleep, I think I may have found the perfect way to make that happen.
  • There is a new table in my office that I was hoping I would have refinished this week.
  • My car needs another repair.
  • What have I done to make this world a better place?
  • My sons need to get their license so that they can rely on my less.
  • Did you know as soon as I heal completely from my bronchitis and laryngitis, I will be training for a Couch to 5K? I want to keep my heart beating as healthy as possible so I can still do what I can for myself and the world around me.
  • And so much more. . .

My mind literally never stops.

Loving the world as I do has a cost. As an introvert who was born to live out loud, I have always wrestled with my role in my home, my community, and the world while also nurturing my creative spirit, fueling my spiritual practices, and navigating significant alone time.

No wonder, I woke up with my sheets in a knot and a weary body.

Writing really is the way I process the many thoughts that fill my mind, my heart, and my soul. But I won’t be healthy unless I finish my sleep. Wish me luck. . . .

Now & Always

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Light has always guided my life.

I am alive and thriving today because of the light that I am blessed to find not only in myself, but in the world that surrounds me.  So much so that many years ago, I changed my name legally so that I could embrace the light within my essence.

Gal-Or, my last name means wave of light.  One of my primary goals has been to illuminate the world around me and to find the light in all that surrounds me and the larger world I live.  My name carries the reminder that I have the responsibility to spread and find late wherever I travel.

Finding light within darkness.

Finding light within darkness.

On the second day of Hanukkah 5775, I am feeling empowered by the beauty of the world I currently live.  I have been blessed to live in a cocoon of warmth and love over the last several decades.  I have a loving family (both given and of choice) that takes care of me and surrounds me with love and warmth.

And unfortunately, there is another truth.  We live in a world that has much darkness.  With each breath I pray that I and so many others spread light that will ultimately illuminate where we stand. Sometimes living feels a bit daunting.  Each and every day, the news is full of destruction and pain at every turn.  Untimely death, murder, a need for civil disobedience, environmental tragedies, and profound sadness for so many. . . . .  Life.

For me, Hanukkah is my reminder that even while things are tough for me personally and within the world I live, it is still my job to be the light and to spread light wherever I go.  And even when the darkness looms bigger than the light, it is my job to find the sparks of light that are truly part of the  our world.

Many people are striving to make a difference for good regardless of how challenging the world may seem.

Here is one song that inspires me to keep doing the holy work of actively engaging in the world I live.  Light One Candle (written by Peter Yarrow, performed by Peter, Paul, and Mary)

Remember to be the light with each and every step you take – now and always.

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