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Posts Tagged ‘brain’

Over the past months, I have struggled to find balance and to quiet my spirit. Inside my soul, I could feel my body, my mind, and my soul wrestling. They were struggling with a broken heart, the feeling that I wasn’t enough in any area of my life, and with this deep seeded pain that I would always be a fat blob.  Yes my body image was in the gutter. There were hours of every day that I felt like I couldn’t take a deep breath or that my heart was shattering into too many pieces to count. Besides. . .who would even want to try counting the the pieces of my broken heart? Who would want to hold someone who has lost all roots and was crumbling to the ground?

This darkness lasted for a few very long months until I realized that slowly I was breathing a little deeper and sparks of light were finding a way into my heart. Tears stopped falling with intensity and eventually they stopped falling with any regularity at all. And then there were the mornings that I could look at myself in the mirror without cringing.

I am not sure if I can quite say what switched, but I opened my eyes a little wider, I listened to the noise around me and the quiet inside me with more awareness, and I took some time to just be where I was.

The process that I went through and that I am still navigating has become about honoring myself the best way I can by building a stronger foundation. In order to become stronger I had to process the pain and darkness that had settled inside of me.

What I have known with clarity is that there was not one thing that left me with such sadness. I feel all emotions with every fiber of my being. This means that on the days that I am unable to compartmentalize life’s many moving parts, I will drown in a sea of sorrows or simply in my own intensity.

Yes the last few months have sucked. . . completely sucked, but they also created the opportunity for me to look inward and the time to heal. Eventually the harsh realities didn’t feel so harsh and with that I began to see my roots take a firmer hold of the earth.

And that is when the real work began. . . .

Reveling in setting the foundation, the framework, the intentions.
Connecting with understanding, compassion, balance, strength and awareness.
Honoring the journey.

Reflection by: Sue Dorfman

Path by Sue Dorfman

Courtesy of photographer Sue Dorfman

Sometimes the perfect words or the perfect picture show up exactly when you need them. As I was waking up, I was looking for what I needed to do so that I could become a little stronger.

This new journey that I am on is not simple.  With a long path ahead of me, I realized that I needed to set up some boundaries for myself. This meant deep reflection:

  • What was missing from my life?
  • Does writing guide my every step? If it doesn’t, it needs to.
  • Am I doing enough to nourish and nurture my spirit?
  • Have I been creative enough?
  • Do I take time to play?
  • Am I moving in a way that feels good for my body?
  • Am I moving enough?
  • How am I choosing to fuel my body and my brain?
  • Can I do more to make this world a better place? Or what do I have to do differently so that my impact in this world is more positive?
  • Is stretching, reaching, and growing an active part of my day?

If I am really going to be the healthiest that I can be, I need to be guided by deep seeded accountability multiple times every day.

  • Am I living authentically?
  • Am I choosing to hide behind a mask that others decorate?
  • Am I being the chameleon that fits into the world as I believe others want me to?

Over the last few weeks, I began to see that I was living behind a shadow of my own making. This realization means that it is time for me to actively return to strengthening my foundation with clear intentions while using this clarity to build the body, mind, and soul I want.

The work is daunting and yet it is also profoundly rewarding too. Each day I am gaining ground and celebrating more and more successes. I am also taking responsibility for navigating my life with intention as I actively engage in putting together the puzzle pieces of my body, mind, and soul. Only through that journey will I be able to soar and better become the woman I want to be.

Join me over the coming weeks as I unveil some of the moving parts that I am navigating and myriad of ways I hope to stretch, to grow, and ultimately to heal. My hope is that as I share some of my story, I may inspire you in some small way.

Onward with love, light, and blessings,
Chava

(Note: If you read to the end and if you like what I have to share, I’d love it if you would let me know by liking or commenting on my post.)

 

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Morning Pages BinderI love to write.

If given the opportunity I would write all day long. Some days I actually do!

Today was no different then any other day.  I woke up in the morning.  I stretched a bit and drank a little water.  And then, I did what I always do, I took time to write what Julia Cameron, creativity author, calls Morning Pages.  On most mornings, I take 15-45 minutes in order to write long-hand. Some of you may have forgotten this beautiful art-form; it is when you take a pen in hand and write on a old-fashioned piece of paper.  Now some of you may remember how to use the penmanship you learned in 2nd or 3rd grade, but for others, like myself, I write with a combination print and script.

Morning pages are like sunshine to me; they turn me on and get me ready to take on a new day.  They nudge me awake and literally light up my life.  Each and every time I take time to put pen to paper or even fingers to keyboard, I fill up with light.

During the morning pages, Cameron urges her readers to write at least three pages of stream of consciousness writing.  Today, I was able to sit down and start writing from the deepest part of my soul.  On some days, it may take a few minutes to navigate to the essence of what is on my mind, but not usually.  But, when I first started this practice years ago, I would start by writing my daily affirmation 100 times or perhaps make a shopping list, a to do list, a friends list.  You get the idea.  Today, if I am really struggling, I find one of my most beloved sayings and start writing about it. What normally happens is that the saying inspires me to write that which is weighing on my heart.  I always write that which is on my mind.

While reality may be that I’d love to write from morning to night, with eating or stretching breaks along the way.  I can’t.  I have responsibilities, work, chores, and sons; I have a ton to do.

In all practicality, the Morning Pages would not be described as beautiful prose (although sometimes it is), they are the words of someone  who is literally puking out what is on her mind.  When I do that fully, I am then ready to move forward in my day.  Subsequently, this routine leads to more solid and actively engaged writing on my computer because the cobwebs that were in my head are now on my Morning Pages.

Anyway, just because I have taken time to get the cobwebs out of my brain doesn’t mean I am really conscious.  This morning I was so in another world that I ended My Morning Pages with “it is time for me to get to work and turn off my pen.” Oy gevalt. . . . Perhaps, maybe, I was still in a subconscious mode pouring out my heart and soul.  Or perhaps I just need to learn to turn off my pen. 🙂

Morning Pages Open

 

 

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