Posts Tagged ‘black and white’

Have you ever noticed that there is very little black and white in life?

Nothing is simple and very few questions involve one correct answer.  So many of us would like a simple answer to a question, but it just doesn’t seem to happen.  Take multiple choice questions, I was always fairly bright, intellectually speaking, and also fairly limited in finding one correct choice out of four possible options within a multiple choice question.

Relationships are always complicated.  It doesn’t matter if the relationship is with your parents, your children, your partner, or any number of your loved ones; they are just ridiculously complicated.  Recently, I have started to become a bit more aware of how each and every one of my relationships has a powerful energy and then a more challenging energy too.  No relationship is uncomplicated; although, I wish it could be!

As my mother’s 19th yahrzeit, anniversary of her death, emerged recently, I thought about how I could really hate her for the way she abused me during her life.  I do feel a strong sense of ambivalence about my mom, but I am also astutely aware that she was mentally ill and physically sick.  So, I consistently vacillate over how to feel about her memory.  In truth, I am over the anger, but the other feelings are complicated.  Nothing is black and white.

Friendships mean the world to me.  At the same time, I honor the friendship for however long it is there.  For the most part, when it is gone, I say good-bye rather easily.  With the exception of the love between a parent and a child, I don’t believe that most relationships have the capacity to last forever.   Sometimes when you have mentally ill family member, those relationships ebb and flow depending on what’s going on within the family dynamics.  All other relationships take a tremendous amount of work and evolve greatly even when they remain intact.

How many of us love our jobs all the time?  How many of us know that we are in a good position each and every day.  Hopefully, we feel this way some of the time, but much of the time it isn’t so simple.  We have colleagues that drive us crazy; people that need us to perform our tasks the way they want them to be done.  And we have our own dreams and aspirations.  If we are blessed we like our job most of the time; love our job some of the time; and cope with bad days with a sunny disposition.

The dichotomy of sometimes feels like it engulfs each and every moment of my life.  I never feel one-way all of the time.  I constantly evolve even over the course of one day.  This reality is quite ridiculous.  But admitting that within each breath is a wondering person . . . at least at this moment.

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