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Posts Tagged ‘bigotry’

Nearly two weeks have passed since ‘the call’ came in.  A neighbor, who I barely knew, felt the need to let me know that three men have been continuously taking turns driving past my house, stopping, staring, and staying for up to six minutes. My guess is that you may wondering why. . . I know we are. It appears they didn’t like the sign we had put in our window, but we don’t even know this for sure.

The call shattered any equilibrium that I was feeling. You see during my younger years, childhood violence was a norm which as an adult has left me navigating a very real deep-seeded fear of any kind of violence or rage. As much as I have tried, that fear often sits just below the surface ready to reappear when given a cause. On most occasions, I am able to quickly regain my footing when I encounter a ‘blip’ – not this time.

Having my house ‘watched’ has traumatized me and left me feeling some very intense fear and sometimes enormous anger towards the perpetrators and at those that feel the need to blame the victim.  I am also completely despondent that my sons and I are walking in the world differently than we did a few weeks ago.

In truth, the dynamics of the relationship probably originated with this story: https://lightwavejourney.wordpress.com/2016/11/05/yard-sign-troubles/

~ ~ ~

As activists, it was only natural for us to call our congressmen, write some letters, donate money, rally, and put up a sign. So after one of the airport rallies, following our new president’s immigration ban, my son put a ‘Refugees Welcome’ in our front window. Let’s just say three of our conservative neighbors reacted poorly, really poorly.

aryeh-holding-refugees-welcom

My son, Aryeh, holding up the ‘Refugees Welcome’ sign at the first Airport Rally following the Immigration Ban on January 28, 2017

What has stunned me most about what happened was not the neighbors that felt the need to instill fear, but ‘my friends’ and acquaintances that believe that we caused the situation and that we should have simply not displayed our views.

Chutzpah!!!! How dare someone tell me that in some way, shape, or form I am asking for it. Bullshit!

Each of us have a choice in how we walk in the world. Some of us choose to live consciously and to wear our hearts on our sleeves. That’s called transparency or authenticity.  For me, there is no option.

Violence, instilling fear, and bullying is never OK! NEVER! And I have a right to choose how I walk in the world without the fear of retribution for going against someone’s belief. Maybe things have changed since Trump took office, but the United States I treasure allows for each of us to have our own views and to express them too. Sometimes we have to navigate different guidelines, boundaries, or laws – that’s fine. AND sometimes, we have to stand by our principles and buck the system. I am OK with that too.

While  we later found out the ‘Welcome Refugee’ sign is not acceptable within our HOA (Homeowners Association), we didn’t know it when the sign first went into the window. Yes we still believe that refugees should be welcomed, we didn’t put the sign up to cause problems. The sign went up because we wanted to share our passion and maybe even ignite a others into action for refugees. And the sign went down when we realized we were not following the HOA bylaws. If the men were really representing our HOA, they could have followed procedures to inform us that were braking the rules. But that contact wasn’t what happened; stalking did.

How dare these men bully us by stalking our home.

As I said, the sign is down. And after about ten days, it appears the stalking may have ceased.  Fear now guides our evening and nighttime walks, but we are pushing through and starting to return to feel calmer.  And we still have a few people in our lives that probably fear for our safety and wish we’d simply live a little more silently.

Being silent when bigotry and hatred are guiding the political climate will lead to more of the same. So. . .even if I feel fear, I will join others who are trying to make our world a better place.

#NoBanNoWall #RESIST

Update: Since originally working on this blog, I have started to heal. I am still tired to the core, but I am starting to sleep better and believe that everything is moving in the right direction. Healing takes time, but my spirit is better than it was due to my fabulous landlord and some very thoughtful neighbors. 

Whatever fear I felt or may still feel is negligible compared to refugees and those that love them. #RefugeesWelcomeHere

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Tonight, it seems like my entire being is playing a wrestling match with itself. It has been such a tough match then when I tried to wake myself from the jarring movements, I couldn’t find lamp on my nightstand. It was gone; the light had literally moved.

While I found some of my pillow, a few of my limbs were knotted up in a blanket and my dog was sighing deeply wanting me to stop kicking her. Poor Maddie became so unhappy with my erratic movements that she did what she never does by choice…she went to curl up in her kennel.

After fighting sleep I decided at 3:30 AM that it was time to stop wrestling whatever demons were visiting me and try to redirect myself. LOL!  That didn’t work too well as well as I would like either. So I decided to do what I do best. I picked up my laptop and started writing.

‘I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking,
what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means.
What I want and what I fear.’
Quote by Joan Didion

In the midst of my disconnected sleep, I couldn’t imagine what subconscious thoughts were keeping me awake. Now that I am awake, it isn’t difficult to imagine what is filling my mind.

Falling asleep last night, I found myself focusing on:

  • The many Muslims being murdered through terrorist acts during Ramadan,
  • Jews being murdered in Israel,
  • Another black man (possibly) being executed by police last night,
  • and watching Donald Trump’s candidacy for presidency make it acceptable for bigotry and baseless hatred to become a norm in our country.
  • Baseless hatred – The hatred that makes a man go into a nightclub and massacre 49 people. And then there is the random and not so random acts of violence that happen on the street corners, in front of mosques, or in market places. . .
  • US and Israeli politics infuriate me. I believe the world could be a lot better off without those that attempt or actually create policies that inspire intolerance and damage our environment at every opportunity.

So if the list above wouldn’t have been enough, I also always have my own internal struggles:

  • Will I ever have enough hours in my life to fully honor the creative soul that I am?
  • Why can’t I find the time to call those that I adore who need to hear my voice? Wait, I guess I have to find my voice first. My throat is still so raw from the bronchitis and laryngitis that I had a couple of weeks ago.
  • How will I best protect myself against the insanity that I see daily in the world?
  • Did I say that I am craving another furry friend? This time I want to train the pup to be a therapy dog. Before going to sleep, I think I may have found the perfect way to make that happen.
  • There is a new table in my office that I was hoping I would have refinished this week.
  • My car needs another repair.
  • What have I done to make this world a better place?
  • My sons need to get their license so that they can rely on my less.
  • Did you know as soon as I heal completely from my bronchitis and laryngitis, I will be training for a Couch to 5K? I want to keep my heart beating as healthy as possible so I can still do what I can for myself and the world around me.
  • And so much more. . .

My mind literally never stops.

Loving the world as I do has a cost. As an introvert who was born to live out loud, I have always wrestled with my role in my home, my community, and the world while also nurturing my creative spirit, fueling my spiritual practices, and navigating significant alone time.

No wonder, I woke up with my sheets in a knot and a weary body.

Writing really is the way I process the many thoughts that fill my mind, my heart, and my soul. But I won’t be healthy unless I finish my sleep. Wish me luck. . . .

Onward!!!!
Now & Always

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