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Posts Tagged ‘Abba’

Gratitude abounds.

Over the past weeks, I have found that my entire being has craved quiet. The chatter of loved ones has been too much for me. Voices on the phone, chatting via text, and conversations with strangers have all nearly stopped.

The good news is that I have been able to show up for work, for family/friends, and for the world as needed. If, however, I was not needed, I have learned not to show up.

With every ounce of my being, I want to make this world a better place. Wandering our beloved universe, I have always wanted to serve those in need and our earth too. At the same time, I have also had to temporarily release my sense of responsibility for the world.

Honoring my need for quiet has forced me to wrestle with the question, ‘Am I enough? In truth, the answer is that I could be more, do more, and give more. AND I am also aware that if I didn’t take time to move towards a quieter place, I wouldn’t be able to emerge as one of the many caregivers of our world. We have to take care of ourselves first so that we can ultimately do the holy work of showing up for our world.

Growing up, my father used to gently and firmly put his hands over my ears and cradle my head lovingly between his hands. With love he would say, “Listen to the quiet.”

While my father no longer walks in this world, his sweet words resonate inside my soul.

Abba*, I am listening. I hear the quiet.

rocking chair

*Daddy

 

 

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Barely a week has passed since my father’s yahrzeit; I think about him every single day and I miss his presence in my life in ways that make little or no sense to me.

Today, a friend of mine mentioned how his father was diagnosed with cancer on his birthday and died 10 days later; he would have been 89 today.  Although this friend is merely a Facebook friend, I wanted to reach out and comfort him. . .I understood in some small way how he may have been feeling.  My father was diagnosed with brain cancer a couple of days before his 71st birthday; 6 weeks later, he took his last breath.

I will never forget when my father took his last breath or the weeks leading up to it.

Aryeh wore this baseball cap for many years following his Zaydie's death.

Aryeh wore this Baltimore Orioles baseball cap for many years following his Zaydie’s death.

Somehow my father found the strength to allow the boys and I celebrate  his 71st birthday in his hospital room.  My kids had chosen to get him black shorts and an orange t-shirt as a gift; my father loved the Baltimore Orioles and my kids loved my father. (Orange and black are the colors for the Baltimore Orioles.)

My father was an amazing Zaydie who loved his grandchildren more than life itself.   So, with that in mind, he did what any proud Zaydie would do, he put on the outfit and ate chocolate cake with us.  It was the last time, any of us celebrated life with my Abba.  I can’t believe how he pushed through the last birthday of his life not for himself, but for his precious grandchildren.

During the shiva house (week long traditional house of mourning), one of my nieces wore his orange t-shirt and black shorts and for all I know is still wearing them to this day. 🙂

Zaydie believed that grandchildren were a grandparents reward for not killing their children.  Dad also believed that grandparents and grandchildren had one thing in common; they both couldn’t stand the parents.

May my father’s memory continue to a blessing for good.  I love you Daddy.

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