“If you ask me what I came into this life to do,
I will tell you: I came to live out loud.”
Quote by Émile Zola
Twenty years ago, this saying became an unspoken mantra. A part of me believes that finding this quote empowered me find my voice as woman, a mother, a friend, a teacher, and mostly as a creative soul that needed to be heard.
Before that time, silence seemed to permeate the core of my being. And then one day, I woke up and I found a little more of my voice. I learned to write after a very long and painful hiatus. A local magazine wanted to publish the story of our son Dovi’s miraculous adoption. Somehow I found the courage to speak up and let the publisher/editor know that I was the one who needed to write this story; she loved the idea and with that I found my first and most gentle editor. Eventually that story was picked up by a couple of other magazines.
Finding my voice was a long but beautiful journey. With each step, I felt like a butterfly opening to the world with a sense of awe. I literally fluttered from flower to flower. Each flower gave me just a little more nectar to fuel the journey towards self.
And then in 2002, I took a giant leap of faith and left the cocoon of the Orthodox world that I had lived for nearly fifteen years. The journey was lonely and overwhelming. I lost close friends in that transition or should I say transformation? But I did it!!! I listened to the voice that nudged me to create a new life for myself (and eventually my family) and to find a new home for my spirit to rest. It didn’t go far; I found a home in a progressive Jewish community that nurtured my spirit and grounded me in tradition while allowing my creative energy to flourish.
As time progressed, I started to stretch in other ways too. I started thriving as an educator, a blogger, an artist, a chanter, a storyteller, a drummer, a mother, and today as an activist or maybe just a human being. The more I grow the more my spirit yearns to expand my roots as I also reach into the universe that surrounds me.
Now that I have my voice, I embrace all of life with more passion. When I am happy I sing out loud regardless of who is close by; when I feel the need to write, I stop what I am doing and I write; when a picture comes into my head I doodle it. The more doors open, the more ready I am to receive the gifts that continue to flow through me.
A raw intensity has taken over the quiet person that once lived in my body. My soul gravitates towards life. I am alive and I crave this aliveness that emanates from all life forces.
Photo Courtesy of Jai-Jagdeesh via Instagram: jaijagdeesh
This New Zealand sunrise by my “social media friend” left me with tears in my eyes. I found Jai-Jagdeesh through her music, but today I have fallen love with her words, her wisdom, her photos. My hope is that one day have the opportunity to experience Kundalini Yoga with her as my teacher. (Of course, I may have to wait until I complete my healing journey from back surgery.) When I hear her, I feel a fire igniting me towards self-care and tikun olam (repairing the world).
Meanwhile a heartfelt hug reminds me that the void of love I experienced as a child is no longer with me. When any of my nieces or nephews say “I love you” even though I haven’t seen the since they were little. . .I melt inside, but feel immense gratitude that my beloved brother and sister-in-law have kept me alive in their eyes.
Nothing in my world is taken for granted.
The more authentic and grounded I become, the I am able to “live out loud” and to love.
Picture by Chava
Today, I openly love with ever fiber of my being. I often wonder if I take in the world on a cellular level. When I allow myself to breathe deeply, I find myself connecting with all that I see, touch, hear, smell, and taste. All of my senses are more alive than I could have once imagined.
While love may sometimes change, I love deeply; I love forever. . . My intensity overflows each and every time I see those I adore.
And I have learned to always speak from the deepest part of my soul just in case a door closes suddenly. ….because doors do close suddenly and without warning.
May I be blessed to always “live out loud” with an authenticity that rooted in grace.
Namaste (May the spirit in me honor the spirit in you),
Chava
Note: This entire blog was inspired by:
Thank you.