Note: I will be Counting the Omer for a total of 49 days, from Passover to Shavuot or from Slavery to Freedom. For many, this is simply the Counting the Omer; for others, it is a tool for exploring the kabbalistic teachings in an organized way. For me, it is a time to actively reflect on my Journey Towards Wholeness. The more I am whole, the more free I will become. [http://t.co/dBPYjDxSGj . . . .]
My mother’s yahrzeit was today. While I nearly forgot, my body remembered; my body always remembers. By mid-day, a headache formed making it impossible for me to relax and enjoy my afternoon. In fact, as I found myself with time in one of my favorite parts of the country, Woodstock (New York), yet all I could do was take time to talk to my sons and then come back to the house I am staying to shower and write.
I needed to be alone. I needed to to take time to release the tears that often remain latent. While tonight, I don’t feel like I can allow the tears to flow freely, I am allowing them to come to my eyes. Once I know that I will have hours of privacy, I may take the time I need to cry.
While I now realize that life for Marilyn was far from easy, I acknowledge that my life as her daughter was horrible. I will never forget what I endured on a daily basis. Still, I am not sure she could help herself; she was too sick to manage her body and mind. As I result, there will be moments of my life when I have to navigate a few too many emotional wounds. The good news is that I can now go months without considering the impact of my childhood pain. I am so blessed that all the years of hard work are paying off. While dark memories may come, they only last for brief moments not for any length of time!!!
Each year, I try seek a healthy way of approaching Marilyn’s life and death. For some reason, this year, I am feeling deeply scarred by her legacy and more vulnerable then I’d like to admit.
Instead of hiding in the shadows of pain, I want to bask in the light inspired me to thrive – always. My Omer Reflections have continuously motivated me to keep finding tools to support me in My Journey Towards Wholeness. I am alive! This is the time to keep nurturing my life in the best ways possible!!
My mother’s life and subsequent death filled me with tools for survival and thriving. That awareness feels awesome. That is what I am focusing on as I move into Day 23 of the Counting of the Omer. Today, I find myself committing to life and doing whatever it takes to thrive.
My mother harmed her body by continuously filling her body with drugs and alcohol. With that in mind, I am going to start my mornings off with food that is nurturing and energy provoking. Lately, I have noticed that breakfast always leaves me tired. Upon reflection, I realized that the only time I felt energetic and ready for the morning is when I begin the day with a green smoothie, so tomorrow, I will begin that routine again. AND on my way back home, I will finally purchase the Ninja (smoothie maker/blender) and fruit/veggies for my daily smoothies. It’s time. Originally, I was going to wait until I moved to Houston, but waiting no longer seems prudent.
While money is still tight for me right now, being healthy is a bigger challenge. I have work to do and I don’t want to wait any longer. My mother’s yahrzeit inspired me to take better care of myself; I am worth making healthy.
All ideas for making healthy smoothies are welcome! I need your help!
With love, light, and blessings,
Chava
May you continue to be strengthened while enduring life’s challenges.
ron makes a smoothie every morning, using plain greek yogurt, frozen mixed berries, a banana, sometimes some OJ, and some wheat germ or protein powder. however, i am not a morning person, and almost never have any appetite for food (have to have my cup or two of coffee, which I know you probably spurn as very unhealthy!). i felt liberated to read recently that the whole “breakfast is the most important meal of the day” has been debunked, and if you don’t enjoy breakfast, it’s not a problem. i realize more and more that there are no rules, except moderation, and listen to your own body (which you seem to be doing). hang in there!