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Archive for February, 2012

Over the past several months I found myself visiting an old friend.  Her energy hasn’t served me well nor has my time with her helped me in reaching my goals.  Our lives should be full with that which fuels us to become our best selves.  For too long I lost the rhythm that rocks my world, but I am back. . .I am finding my rhythm again!

Sometimes we need to visit our demons and sometimes we need to hang out with the darkness so that we can emerge to find the light.  At this moment, I am feeling full of light and sustenance.  I sense that I am reaching to a higher place and looking forward to swinging from the branches again.

A long time ago, I learned that if you put a smile on your face and navigate the depths of your despair, you will make it through the thorny bushes easier than if you crumble.  This past week I crashed, totally crashed.  I could tell you why and will try, but in the end, I realized that I was just wiped, totally exhausted by reality.

  1. Aryeh started college; I couldn’t believe my son who had suffered so much was able to emerge and begin his journey into adulthood.
  2. On the week that Aryeh started college, we found out that Dovi is completely deaf in one ear.  The emotional pain crippled me; perhaps I screwed up in my parenting and didn’t do what I needed to do to take care of Dovi.  It happened after a terrible ear infection and it totally bummed me out.  He is actually coping just fine.
  3. Work is full of both challenges and gifts.  Balance needs to take root.
  4. Didn’t have time for my creative endeavors.
  5. There is so much I want to do and I can’t possibly succeed in doing it all at the same time.

The bottom-line is that life is full and if I want to meet my life goals than I need to reach beyond the darkness and do the work towards each and every aspiration.  I can soar, but not if I nourish the darkness.

Over the past days, I have begun to take my first steps towards reaching my ambitions by:

  1. trusting my instincts and listening to my inner voice.
  2. admitting that I needed to actively engage in life again.
  3. writing
  4. working hard and accomplishing tasks
  5. lighting a candle
  6. listening to music I love
  7. not giving up when curling into a ball seemed to make sense.
  8. making time for a family dinner
  9. expressing myself in both pain and anger
  10. seeking guidance from those I trust
  11. being a friend
  12. finalizing my logo for My Second Foundation, my new nonprofit organization

My heart is excitedly beating as my eyes close for the evening.  There is so much more to do, but I am ready for it.  Hope is emerging.

Watch out world. . .I am back.

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