Part 2: Sanity Assessment Practice
(The current blog is part 2 of a three part series that will be posted this week.)
Since starting to take significantly better care of myself in the last seven months, I have grown really tired. There are so many factors that could be attributed to this core level exhaustion. While I am checking the physical possibilities, I am also doing some of my own emotional work and considering what is it I need to be the healthiest person that I can be. My guess is that at the end of this journey, I will find out that I simply have too much going on in my life both personally and professionally. In the meantime, I am being wise; I am continuing my journey to health both physical and spiritual.
As I move through my spiritual journey, I am working with my spiritual guide and teacher, Rabbi Shefa Gold who has given me one of the toughest homework assignments I think I have encountered I am supposed to do a Sanity Assessment that is in her book Torah Journeys, page 79 in the Yitro section of her book; it can also be found on her website http://rabbishefagold.com/Yitro.html. I refer to the Sanity Assessment as a Cheshbon HaNefesh (Soul Accounting). I need to look at myself honestly and to consider what fuels my soul and also what drains me.
This journey isn’t easy; in fact it is painful. Looking at myself honestly is a challenge. I am a people pleaser; I love my family; I adore my friends; I want to be kind and good to the core. But something is telling me that it isn’t working for me any longer. The years of being a caretaker for so many essential people in my life has wiped me out. Loving Aryeh and Dovi through serious illnesses was emotionally draining. The gift is that we all survived and grew from the experience. No one was an island not Michael, their dad, the kids themselves or I were alone. We were a team moving through the many different trials and tribulations that existed. I have also been a caring and nurturing friend to others throughout my life; it is what I do.. Maybe I am so tired because I can’t give like I once did. And then there is the reality that I love nurturing myself through writing, chanting, and solitude.
Being honest with myself about what it is I want and what is attainable is tough, but it is necessary. Whoever said that life is easy must not have lived life fully. I have so many interesting dichotomies that make up who I am. I love people, but I love being alone. Being in a close-knit community is an amazing gift, but I dream of solitude in a cabin that would help limit some of the excess noise that surrounds me. I want to walk gently with the land, but crave the simplicity of having easy access to that which I want. The goal is to find balance and I will; it just means walking through life consciously.
Knowing what I want with all of life’s gifts takes a lot of deep thought and integrity. How much sleep do I need? Do I love learning? What do I really love doing? What jazzes my soul? What types of people to I want to surround my inner circle of friends? What do I feel about eating meat? What form of exercise would benefit me and would I find positive? What do I need to do to be the best professional I can be. All of these questions and more need to be considered and I will take the time to consider them seriously. Yay for time!!
What considerations do you need to consider as you Assess your own sanity. 🙂 Inquiring minds want to know. So . . . .I am waiting.
Note, that I really do love afternoon naps. Do you?
My conclusion to these questions is that we all have to find the right balance for our lives. Including the balance between caring for ourselves and for others; between exploring new and wonderful things (which can be very draining) and resting (which can feel like missing out); between living for the moment and planning for the future. If someone were able to achieve balance on all these fronts, most would consider her/him sane. Hoped-for result – good level of energy and good moods.
I’m working at home today enjoying the rain falling outside the windows and the cool, grey skies offering relief from the earlier heat. Teleworking is good for my sanity 🙂
Biz,
You are wise!!!
Conscious living and honoring your needs as well as your values is a journey. Finding balance is the only way to move forward.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Chava
Thanks for sharing that practice. For me, this morning started with a yoga session that I brought my sister to…taught by a friend who I’ve done yoga with a couple of times before. While this visit with my sister has been wonderful, and I’m loving having her closer in recent years than we’ve ever managed before, there are still times that get tense, buttons get pushed, feelings get hurt. This visit puts 4 adults and 4 kids, aged 8 and under, in the space of one house, and lots of needs come up that have to be met (and distinguished from unnecessary wants).
Gaining perspective on that can be a challenge, but your post, and Shefa’s thoughts are on the money. Letting go of some of the personalization helps. Detaching, and recognizing tht we are all part of an organic whole…
Ahhhhh.
Wonderful inquiry! As a teacher of mine says: The only way around it is through it!. Which, for me, turns out to be infinitely easier than pretending it doesn’t exist, or worse, it doesn’t really bother me! You do not undertake this soul accounting alone 🙂 Thanks for shining your light so brightly, and perhaps more importantly, fueling your flame when you need to!
Thanks Rachel!!! Going on a bear hunt comes to mind here!!!…Do you know the story?