Life is filled with journeys. Each of us have journeys that we follow throughout our lives. Some of the journeys are filled with joy and some with pain; some of the journeys are filled with growth while others are filled with loss. All journeys naturally encourage us to embrace change; we literally have no choice. In the end, we have to either make peace with reality or feel challenged by what is.
Finding the blessings amongst the growing pains can be challenging. I have always been the optimist. Joy surrounds me at every turn. Opportunity can be found even in the darkest of moments. As long as I can see a glimpse of sunlight, a ray of hope exists. And sometimes when loss is inevitable, I learn from what is now out of my reach.
The last six weeks have been filled with so many journeys. And with each journey, I have had to take a deep breath and look for the rays of sunshine peeking through the clouds. I wish I could say it has been easy, but it has been painful. I have had moments of intense sadness, but throughout each moment, I have felt the light shining through. What a blessing that even in my darkness, I see the glass as being much more than half full.
My Uncle Phil died less than 3 weeks after being diagnosed with brain cancer. He was a tremendous force in my life and the only relative outside of my immediate family that encouraged me to do my soul work; Uncle Phil encouraged me to write and to always use my creativity. In truth, his entire family seems to continue his legacy; the Grayson clan inspires me to write in so many ways. While my uncle has died, I feel the beat of his heart as I continue to build a special relationship with my Aunt Jane, David, and Karen.
On April Fool’s Day, I will have a hysterectomy. The hysterectomy will do its part to make me a healthier person. Taking care of myself is such a concept for me. No one likes to endure pain, but sometimes we have no choice. The question is always, what do we learn as we move through this process. In my case, I feel enormous gratitude that I will be healing with the hysterectomy and with each passing day after the surgery, I will become physically stronger and healthier too.
Aryeh, my son, continues to be plagued by challenges due to a couple of brain surgeries that never solved all of his physical pain. No parent wants to see his or her child suffer; watching Aryeh endure his pain hurts me in the core of my being. Having said that, I am acutely aware of his spirit soaring with each and every flight he has been forced to take. I am amazed at his ability to push himself to succeed in his daily life through writing and acting in a school play. Aryeh shines with beauty that most of us will never encounter; his energy is guiding force and his wisdom is beacon of light.
Coping with the latest setback is tough; Michael’s job was terminated effective immediately. The anxiety in this journey is intense because of Michael’s sadness over this situation; it is profoundly affecting us all and now money will be even tighter now than it was before. But I am handling this journey in the same way I handle all journeys. I believe that things will get better as we grow and actively make the changes we need to make in order thrive even better than we were doing before. Michael is a dedicated gem that would have benefited from constructive feedback and healthy interactions; it is sad that Jewish and non-profit institutions lack the grace to do this on a consistent basis. Michael will be all right in time and I have learned to be even more conscious of what’s going on around me and to listen to my own inner voice. Over the coming weeks, I will write each of my own staff and honest letter about my evaluation of their work performance. The blessing I have in my own work situation is that while we can all learn, my staff is kind and conscientious. I am looking forward to offering professional feedback while letting them know in writing how much I appreciate their teaching.
Parenting Dovi has given me strength during each and every journey I have taken since his birth. Dovi is kind to the core; loving to each and every person he meets. He reminds me to walk gently and to breathe as I navigate the path I am traveling. He encourages me to check in with how I am really feeling inside, but at the same time he guides me towards ‘finding peace within the storm’. Having Dovi’s spirit in our family’s life has been a source of strength in every way and on every trail I travel.
Only through finding the blessings in the darkness and allowing myself to sit within some of my sadness will I thrive. Chanting and writing give me the strength to navigate my pain and my fears. Sharing my pain with those I love instead of remaining silent also helps me through the difficult times. In my heart, I believe that all will be good and all of these challenges will improve in a short time. My hope and prayer is that my loved ones, my friends visualize my life filled with simplicity and healing of both body and soul for all in my family. Life is truly stunning. The beauty in each of the journeys above is that I feel the warmth of the sun shining through the clouds.
With love and light, blessings and peace,
Chava
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