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Today is Day 15 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

~ ~ ~

I often try to push myself at the things that I struggle with. 21 day challenges are a good way to start the process of altering behaviors and to do deep reflection on how to navigate some of life’s challenges. With that in mind, I think there will be more 21 day challenges in my future.

Day 15Usually by Day 15 of any 21 Day Counting, I am finding a sweet rhythm, but not here. I’m really struggling to see myself in any picture. Sigh. So, taking selfies of myself for 21 days is ABSOLUTELY a challenge.

Looking at yourself in any way can be complex while you are coming to terms with where you are. Inside I am facing some lots of turmoil and wondering how to best navigate all of life’s moving parts. I believe that is making it difficult for me to find the good in what’s in front of me or within me.

Entering my final week of this Selfie Challenge is a little daunting. My experiment has yet to work. I am not really having fun taking photos of myself or an easy time articulating why I am doing this journey. Yet it feels important to wrestle and to continue seek to capture where I am standing in this moment.

I’ve never seen myself as beautiful inside or out. Don’t get me wrong, I love who I am and how I walk in the world, but I still have work to do to find the beauty.

Day 15BThis work feels like holy and worthwhile.

What I am appreciating is the freedom I have in being vulnerable as I try to remain brave.  The 21 Day Selfie Challenge is my way of allowing people to see me. This is pretty scary for the woman that believed for many years that she was one of the ugliest people alive.

Today, I find myself perplexed that I ever saw myself as ugly even if I understand why that was. AND  I happen to find physical beauty in nearly everyone I see. I absolutely love that people come in so many different shapes, sizes, colors, and complexities. I love that about myself as well.

Complicated feelings and all, I embracing this journey with an open heart.

Hineini, Here I am!

Sending love, light, hope, & blessings. . .

 

 

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The Power of Writing

MY MOTTO

Poem by me; AWESOME & one-of-a-kind pen created by Steven Clark!!

Writing is the only way I know to fully unveil my soul, to figure out my truth, and to be the most authentic that I can be.  I’ve known this since the beginning of time. When I was a young girl, I used to dream of being a writer; in fact, I still do. More than anything in the world, I have always wanted a small writing cabin in the mountains and near water to hide and write.

Just the act of writing creates a cocoon for me to rest, to create, and then to ultimately fly. My younger son, Dovi, has been known to remind me that my actions prove that I am not taking the time I need to write. You see, when I don’t write, that means I have gone down a slippery slope and that I may be enveloped by darkness.

This morning, I woke up with a strong need to simply share my most inner thoughts with a friend. They weren’t the most comfortable thoughts to share, but they were spoken from the deepest part of my soul. That’s the only way I can write.

And then I looked at last night’s blog and realized that it came out wrong even though it came from my heart. I took some time to edit it this morning. I love being able to edit what I write. Since I don’t always think I am articulate, I am often frustrated that I can’t edit what I have said; once my words go out into the universe, that’s where they remain.  I guess the same can be said for when you hit send on your computer. Once anything is read or heard, it’s out there.

Yet, for me, once I write from the deepest part of my soul, my spirit is cleansed and I feel more whole. I know that this doesn’t always leave the reader of my notes or my blogs feeling good. But in the words of Joan Didion,

“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”

Once I release my heart into the world through writing, I am usually able to find an inner peace that wasn’t there before I spoke my piece.

Writing, 
the song of my heart,
the meaning of my mind,
the feeling of my soul, 
Is what makes me whole!

(Note: I wrote these words in one of the worst moments of my life. At the time, I was 14 years old and I had just experienced a fear like no other. And yes, writing is how I navigated then and I still do that today.)

With love, light, hope, and blessings,
Chava

Today is Day 14 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

~ ~ ~

Feeling deeply and melancholy too.’

Needing to be authentic, so for now I will just show a selfie that shows only my moving feet; I feel like my spirit’s journey is best represented this way – there is a little too much darkness today. On a personal level, I am struggling. AND I am at a loss when I truly look at the world as it is in this moment. As I navigate the world within me and the world around me, I find myself continually asking how can I be enough? How can I do enough? Sigh.

I am grateful that tomorrow will be another day.

Day 14

Today is Day 13 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

~ ~ ~

There is so much going on in the world. . .horrible stuff that needs our attention. Here is just some of what is filling my mind:

American Disabilities Act
Common Sense Gun Reform
Human Rights for all
DACA
No Wall
Racial Inequality
Fairtrade
Pipelines
Education
Climate Change
LGBTQ Rights
Refugees/Immigration
National Park
and
Hurricane Harvey/Natural Disaster Recovery
and
Israel
Palestine
Shalom

There is so much on my mind – now & always. My heart is racing as I realize how daunting this never-ending work is.

Day 13Tonight, I am wiped. I haven’t stopped for what feels like eternity, but somehow I still have hope. I also have the deep realization that although I don’t do enough. I do the best I can. I have done and will continue to do whatever I can for humanity and all of it’s moving parts.

What’s beautiful right now are the many grassroot organizations as well as more established organizations that are motivating and inspiring so many of us to act.

My list is no where near conclusive. I can’t stop adding to it.

Native Americans
Voters Oppression
#MeToo

What about the challenges of individuals, communities, and countries everywhere.

Hinieni (Here I am)! I am here to serve.

Sending love, light, hope, & blessings. . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today is Day 12 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

This I believe: Everything is temporary.

Today is Ash Wednesday.
We are reminded that we are mere mortals.

Today 17 people left there homes expecting to return home after school/work.
Over the coming days, 17 family units and countless students will bury their loved ones and friends.

Today, I woke up feeling more alive and full of life than I have felt in weeks.
Tonight I am aware that I need to hold that feeling in my heart, my mind, and my soul.

Day 12Tomorrow is not a given. This I have learned time and time again. After seeing what was probably a fatal accident years ago I wrote Sometimes There Are No Tomorrows –  https://wp.me/pthnB-5i

This means I have to live life with two eyes wide open, my arms stretching out to the universe, and my spirit ready for all that will come my way.

Sometimes there really are no tomorrows. . . .so today I have to live the best way I can.

Sending love, light, and blessings,
Chava

Introduction:

Today is Day 11 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. As a seeker, it is my time to find the beauty that is me.

The only journey is the one within.”
~Ranier Maria Rilke

The journey within is one of the most profound treks we take.  The range of feelings and emotions can be intense. The confines of our mind have the ability to empower us to soar or to take a deep dive into despair or every emotion in the middle.

Without a doubt, I believe that life can be really messy with every gift and challenge that emerge. So with that in mind, I tried to allow for a quieter day today; I wanted to honor my life on my birthday.

My day was really not what I expected. I wanted to be outside hiking around and/or sitting in a cafe totally breathing in the smell, breathing deeply, and writing for hours. Instead I worked for a good part of the day, felt cold and achy from the cold rain at times, and connected with my family in Israel and a couple of other dear friends.  AND I sat in a chair and drank a hot cup of tumeric and ginger tea, I pulled some weeds outside with my dogs doing everything they could to distract me, and allowed for moments of quiet to settle my kinetic soul.

A good part of the day was taken up with reflection about what I want and need so that I am in the healthiest place I can be this year. What do I need to do to beautify this life I am living. I realized that I had to do a little more grounding work so that I could soar and better reach some of my long term goals.

Day 11BThe universe is ready for me. Am I ready to show up and give the world the best parts of me and the fullness of my spirit? I think I am. I am also willing to be challenged and to challenge as long as it is with good intention. Holy living is worth it!

Yes life is hard, but it is also exceedingly precious.  One of the most treasured realizations that I have from the last two days that I should have taken completely off is that I need to celebrate the moments. While I didn’t get to have hours in the woods, I took time to talk Torah and philosophy, to breathe in the scent of our puppy and snuggle with both of our dogs, and to take a couple of long walks too.

I didn’t write. . . .not until 10 PM tonight, but what I did was far better I just moved my body, my mind, and my soul in whatever way it needed to move at any given moment.

My birthday was perfect in nearly every way.  What a beautiful way to celebrate my life.

Sending love, light, and blessings . . . . .

PS: AND to make it even more special, I received nearly 250 birthday wishes from nearly every stage of my life. #GratitudeAbounds

Introduction:
Today is Day 10 of My Selfie Challenge. This is my time to look at how I walk in the world and to shake loose from some of the very things that bind my spirit.  And if I am going to be really truthful, it is my hope that as I take each photo, I will learn to be just a little happier with the person that I am. This is my time for me to really see myself!

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens. 
~ Carl Jung 

Sometimes we find the perfect words in the perfect moment. Today was one of those days. First I received my first birthday wish; it was a day early and it totally warmed my heart. And then there was the quote above.

As a steady seeker, I have learned to look inside myself. It is this work that keeps me grounded and focused on staying on a derekh, a path, that will ultimately or continuously jazz my soul. I really do honor where I am.  While I can’t always speak from my heart, I am getting better and better at living authentically.

The more “real” I am, the more awake I become. Holy living is my goal. With every breath, I hope to become more and more true to my spirit. For me this means that sometimes I have to reach outward and share the fullness of who I am, sometimes I need to go inward and allow for the silence, and sometimes I have to be ok with simply not trying so hard.

Day 10Today was one of those days, I needed the day off, but somehow that didn’t happen and it won’t tomorrow either. Still I found pockets of time to go inward, to laugh out loud, and to do what I had to do.

And while I am wiped out, I am also feeling very much alive. I think taking the time to learn with my Monday Morning Torah Study group and time to play with Magic (my new pup) and Maddie, M & M for short. Life is good, but this year, I really do need to learn to rest and play better. That is my work!!

Sending love, light, and blessings. . . .